Burn Hollywood Burn!!!

I had never seen evil so dark and pure until I looked in to a mirror for the first time.

World domination begins one town at a time. Some people are under the impression that it's an easy task to accomplish. These are the same people who have a thousand ideas for screenplays but don't want to write them. They'll tell you the story, thinking that you'll be so interested in their "original" idea that you'll sit right down and in a day, their story is on paper but it doesn't happen that easily. If it did, everyone would be doing it.

One town at a time, a simple seed is planted into the heart of the city and in time, with a lot of hatred, it grows into an empire. First was Kalamazoo, next was Las Vegas and now Los Angeles is the next city on my path of destruction.

I know this town has been through a lot in the last couple of years and in a way I am sorry, but not enough for me to stop what I have set in motion so many moons ago. We all play the cards that we are dealt and unfortunately L.A. could not beat my full house.

The sympathy for this town is the only reason why I am giving it a written warning. Not enough to leave the town, but enough to know why. Why Dan why? Eventually I will move on to NYC, Dallas, Japan, Ireland, the Moon and eventually the Universe but I'm getting too far ahead of myself. One step at a time.

So be warned. Don't say that I didn't tell you so. When I sit upon my thrown, I do not want to hear you complain. It is easier to accept this now and the pain will eventually go away. Accept what I am offering you because you will be able to sleep better at night. Accept and bow down, Lord McCauley has arrived.

April 20, 2006 - Grohl Family Welcomes Newest Member

I'm a little bit late on this announcement but I figure I should put it down. I found this on the Foo Fighters website. Now the babies of Nirvana can start their own band and we can call it "Nirvana Babies."

Dave & Jordyn Grohl are happy to announce the birth of their daughter, Violet Maye Grohl. Named for Dave's grandmother, Violet was born Saturday, April 15th at 4:35 p.m. PST at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, weighing 6 pounds and 15 ounces, measuring 21 inches tall--or as her father describes her, "just perfect." Father, mother and child are happy, healthy and "up to (their) ears in green shits."

Subject:

I was responding to someone the other day over on my MySpace account and she made a comment, "I wonder what will happen when the line fills up with RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy." What really does happen when the subject line can no longer take it? I figured it would be the equivalent to what happens when you don't punch in the numbers 4,8,15,16,23,42, which I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing but it's a situation that I feel more comfortable not finding out.

The one thing I really don't understand is the significance of the subject line. The first thing is that people don't take the time to put one down and if they do, it can sum up the whole email?

Subject: What are you doing tonight?
Subject: Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow?
Subject: Pictures of our birthday!!!

I think the problem is that the subject line can make life very easy for us but we choose not to. It is very simple to ask a one sentence question but we feel that we have to ask how the person is doing or if work is sucking today because if it isn't personal, you are an asshole.

Another thing is that one person takes the time to make a subject title but the person who responds does not. So that is how the Re: situation happens. Two years later, you still have the subject "Re: Sorry I threw up in your car," and I'm not sure if it's because we are lazy emailers or that the subject line doesn't matter because if you get an email from your parents you aren't going to read the title and say, "Fuck that, I'm not going to read what my mom has to say."

I will have to say that the subject line can save you from suffering through those stupid ass forwards. The "Re: Women are really funny" subjects is a HUGE red flag that you should not read what is in the email because you will wish your two minutes of your life back.

As you can tell, I have mixed feelings towards this subject line. In the end, if it vanished one night, I would not put an Amber Alert out. I would sleep the same, I would not drive through the streets late at night calling out it's name. If I were to sleep with the subject line, I would probably not call it again (subject line's are feminine). If the subject line was running for President, I would not vote for it.

Subject line we are not friends. We will never be friends, even if you do buy me a life sized replica of the Millenium Falcon because it's not going to work. It will just rest there and it will be one more thing I'd be forced to leave at a siblings house.

I have kind of lost track of this post. If only...if only I had a subject line to guide me...damn me and my contradictions.

If the Nazis Hold a Rally and No One Shows Up, Does it Make a Sound? By Dave M.

My office is within a block of Michigan’s Capitol building. My close proximity to the State government gives me the opportunity to view the various picketers/protestors that descend upon the Capitol lawn with their placards and blow horns in their impassioned attempts to affect public policy. There is no shortage of such groups, including the pro-choicers, pro-lifers, pro-teachers, pro-classic car drivers, etc. My personal favorite was the one woman PETA protestor. She sat on the sidewalk on a recent 50 degree day wearing only black bikini bottoms. She held a sign over her naked breasts that said: “All animals are made of the same parts.” Her naked body was painted with the names of the cuts of meat in the location from which one would cut them. The point of her protest was to assimilate animal meat to human beings and thereby convince the observer to eat vegetarian. I love it when a woman is empowered enough to stand up for what she believes in while nude. Her protest made me horny and hungry for steak at the same time.

As winter turns to spring, the number and frequency of the various gatherings increases. This Saturday it’s time for the Nazis to come to town. That’s right, the Nazis have decided that the best way to get their message across, whatever that message might be, is to gather on the Capitol lawn this Saturday and shout it to the legislatures that have most certainly gone home for the weekend. Obviously the Nazis evoke very emotional responses from the entire community. Nazis are morons and no one wants them around. A Nazi protest in Cincinnati recently turned riotous as the Nazis and various anti-Nazi groups decided it would be best to stage their competing view points on the same day at the same time. Tempers flared, rocks flew, and the police knocked some heads.

Lansing is attempting to prevent this type of violence. The police have asked the surrounding businesses to close for the day, and they have asked potential counter protestors to stay home. Yesterday there were several police officers walking around the sidewalk outside my office window. They were obviously looking for someone. I became interested and stepped outside. A group of people had written several anti-Nazi messages on the sidewalk advising people of diversity rallies and other various anti-Nazi rallies to be held to counter the Nazis. One such message said: “no free speech for fascists.” Not only have these diversity oriented people fallen into the obvious trap of Nazi incitement, they are apparently only one bad idea away from intolerance themselves. I enjoyed watching no less than six Lansing police officers spend twenty minutes observing a fire truck full of firemen spray sidewalk chalk off the sidewalk.

Free speech is one of, if not the most important right we enjoy as Americans. I would vehemently argue that almost no speech should be prohibited. The free flow of ideas between prevents tyranny, and fosters compromise and negotiation. Fascism is preventing someone from expressing their views simply because the idea expressed is ignorant and obnoxious. The Nazis must be allowed to speak. It is unconstitutional for the government to stop them from expressing their message.

The solution is not, however, for the largely religious, so called “community leaders” to waste their time protesting and countering the Nazi group. What if, instead of standing up to the Nazis, the diversity groups simply didn’t do anything? What if the media didn’t address the Nazi presence, except maybe to give a passing account that they appeared at the Capitol for an hour of hate filled shouting and then went home? If that were to occur, then the Nazi rally would harness all the power and effect of their own private basement and pole barn meetings. It would make the rally utterly meaningless. They could all stand around and hate various ethnic groups in a self congratulatory manner, and once they realized that no one came to throw rocks at them they could go home where they can share their bigotry and cheap beer at the same time. But the Nazis are smarter than that. They know that the community leaders will call for counter rallies, and they secretly hope that the fight will turn into CNN headlines so that their message of hate can be spread across the country and they can feel glorified in provoking anti-Nazi hatred. It makes them feel important. By responding, the community leaders have told them that they are important, when the exact opposite approach would convey the best message. The absence of any counter protest would tell them that they are so insignificant and their message so out of touch, that they are not worthy of their opposition’s Saturday afternoon.

It is not as if the diversity rally is necessary to show the community and the State that the Nazis are wrong. I don’t see any pro-Nazi reform on the American horizon. I don’t anticipate any progress in their political desires. I cannot even conceive that Nazis are going to convince one person on Saturday afternoon that their point of view is appropriate. The diversity groups should let the Nazis have their annual public gathering in peace. If these groups feel the need to counter the Nazi message then wait until next Saturday to gather and convey that message. Once the Nazis realize that no one cares enough about their message to bother confronting them, they will leave and not return. By listening, Lansing’s community leaders give credence and purpose to the Nazi message. Remove the counter protest, and the affect of the Nazi rally is diminished.

But idiots will be idiots, so pack your rocks. You get two points for every skinhead beamed.

How I Miss You

Did you ever wonder how I fell in love with the Foo Fighters? No? Hey, that wasn't very nice. You were supposed to humor me into telling you the story but I will not humor you but obeying your wish.

Even though I was somewhat obsessed with Nirvana growing up, I was still a little hesitant, after the death of Kurt Cobain, when Dave Grohl started a new band. In a sense, I felt that I should be loyal and give it a shot, but at the same time I wasn't really getting the music. It was loud, I couldn't understand the lyrics and frankly, it wasn't Kurt Cobain. I tried, I gave it a shot but in the end, I felt that it was only going to be a time listen. It wasn't until I was at my friend Chris' apartment. He had a vinyl version of their single "Big Me." To me, this was something that I had never heard of before. It's a single of a c.d. that is on the record but it was released on it’s own with different songs. This is crazy talk but he flipped out over to side B and played "How I Miss You."

As a youth, wondering about love, true love, relationships, this song really grabbed on to my heart and squeezed the fuck out of it. The chords to the song, the lyrics, are not very complicated. In fact, it's pretty simple but there is something about it that is so strong. Simplicity can be the most complicate thing.

This is when I really wish that I could post songs on this because me talking about it and posting the lyrics isn't giving it justice. If you have ITunes, Limewire or if I have even burned you a version of the "This Will Foo You Up" or "Bi-Polar: Drunken Sad Songs," I have put this song on it. This is the state I am in right now and though I know it won’t slow me down, it reminds me that I am not alone, that someone else in their life have felt the same way.


How I Miss You

How I miss you
How I miss you
How I miss you
I should never call
How I hope that you still miss me

Did I lose you?
Did I lose you?
Did I lose you?
Somewhere down the line
Hide & seeks alright if I find

Do you miss me
Like I miss you
If you miss me,
Never go away
Hopefully, you’ll come and stay someday

If you’re leaving,
Come back soon
Thats not easy to say

I will wait here,
Dream of you
All alone as I awake

Happy Easter.

I know what you are thinking and it's not going to happen. I'm not going to debate Easter for some strange reason, not this year anyway because God and myself are on good terms right now and I don't want to fuck that up. I love zombies, Jesus Zombie rules. He rises from the dead but he doesn't want to eat your brains, unless they kept that part out of the Bible. The thing about Easter, compared to Christmas is that there isn't stress on this day. I know it has been split down the middle between religion and commercial but there is a different tone. There isn't the pressure of finding someone a great gift, gettting up at 7 a.m. to find things that you don't really need under a tree that you'll have to throw away in a week.

You may also wonder how the son of God dying is better than him being born. Well the thing is, when he was born, I'm sure some of the people thought, "Uh, why is the son of God here? We must have really fucked up." It was that added pressure of having to be good, that is, unless you didn't believe in him and did your own thing. For the record, I am going to assume that everyone who is reading this is of Christian faith, just for the simple fact that I wanted this to be a quick write up and I don't have days to debate. Now that he died for our sins, it's like the parents have left for the weekend and you know what that means...PARTY!!! Alright, I do realize that this is a little far fetched but I'm just trying to expand the horizon of your thinking. Trying to get you on the same page as me, unless you are a faster reader than I am and you will be done with the book before I even can turn to the next chapter.

Easter is a day that you can finally eat or swear or jerk off, things that you gave up for Lent, that you gave up for forty days. It's the end of a long journey, the sunset to a long, hard worked day. For some reason, those days are always more satisfying. There is something rewarding about it. Easter is a time where there is no real special sport event (Lions on Thanksgiving), no special movie that you have to watch (A Christmas Story), no where that you have to go to (4th of July fireworks). Easter is very warm, layed back holiday. It's a long over due Saturday night with nothing planned. So from me and all of the writer's here At The Corner Bar, we wish you a happy Easter.

Put This In Your Pipe And Smoke It. By Dave M.

April 13, 2006


Senator Kenneth Sikkema
P.O. Box 30036
Lansing, MI 48909-7536

Re: Senate Bills 394 and 395

Dear Senator Sikkema:

I am writing to express my concerns regarding the above referenced Senate Bills that have languished on the Senate Government Operations Committee for nearly a year without action. As Chairman of that committee I believe that your inaction has resulted in the stagnation of this proposed legislation.

By this correspondence I am requesting a written response that details your position on this legislation. I do not simply want a statement that you will keep my concerns in mind, or that you will consider this bill when raised by this committee. You have an opinion on this bill, you know how you will vote, you know what actions you plan to take to keep this legislation from passing or being considered, or what action you will take to get it passed. As a Michigan citizen, I am asking you to tell me your intentions. I believe that this legislation is an eventuality, but I’ve grown tired of waiting for this State to take action on the trend that is sweeping the United States and Europe.

I understand that my own individual opinions are not a concern for you or your political career. I realize that I do not contribute to your campaigns, or hold the clout of the Restaurant and Licensed Beverage Associations, but I can assure you that I am part of an increasingly number of Michigan citizens that have enjoyed the pleasures of smoke free dining and drinking at restaurants or bars of any choice in an increasing number of states and communities across this country. Please take a moment to simply Google the term “smoking ban in restaurants”. Everyday you will find numerous articles about the latest legislation at every level of national and international government taking action on this issue. Unfortunately, Michigan has not only decided reject this trend, but it has preempted its local communities from protecting the citizenry on their own initiatives.

Opponents of this legislation, such as the powerful restaurant and bar lobbies will tell you that this is a property rights or personal rights issue. They demand that the government not interfere with their businesses and their rights to choose for themselves whether to permit smoking or not. I agree that the least possible amount of government intrusion into everyday life is best. But everyone can agree that some governmental intrusion is necessary and truly beneficial. The property and personal choice rights issues argued by opponents to these bills are trumped by the public health issue that second hand smoke raises. A smoker should have the right to smoke, but that right should not infringe upon anyone’s right to breathe uncontaminated air. Governmental intrusion into this area is a necessity. Can you think of any other personal habit or action that has such a demonstrable ill affect upon those in close proximity to the action that has not been regulated? Here are some examples.

If I choose to own a firearm that is my right. But my ownership rights and my rights to fire that gun have been regulated for the benefit of the public health. These various regulations potentially economically burden gun and ammunition retail sellers and manufactures. Despite that economic impact and that diminution in rights, the legislature has restricted gun use. Gun owners cannot simply set up targets and sight in their rifles in their backyards. It’s a public nuisance and a hazard to their neighborhoods. Many hunters would like to hunt on their own land year round, but for the greater public good the government has restricted that personal right.

People love to drive fast, extremely fast. There is perhaps no better way to spend an early summer afternoon than driving north to the Mackinac Bridge on I-75 at approximately 95 mph. That is a personal choice, but when cited for a traffic violation a speeder cannot complain that the government has intruded upon his rights. The government has regulated that activity because speeding has a demonstrable ill affect upon our fellow citizens. In addition to speeding, seat belts are restrictive and uncomfortable. Yet again, the government has taken away the personal right to choose whether or not a seat belt should be worn. The government has even taken away the right to purchase a vehicle manufactured without seat belts or numerous other governmental mandated safety provisions.

Obviously these arguments are rhetorical. No one argues that governmentally mandated speed limits or automobile manufacturing safety standards are not beneficial to society as a whole in addition to the individual citizens that they directly affect. I argue that a statewide workplace, restaurant, and bar smoking ban is of equal benefit and rightly within the legislature’s purview to intervene.

Second hand smoke is a group A carcinogen. It clearly causes cancer in thousands of nonsmokers every year. There is no viable argument that it does not. I know that I have a personal choice to go into any restaurant that has decided to ban smoking and enjoy a smoke free meal. That’s true. But I know of only one such smoke free casual dining restaurant in the city where I live. I don’t know of any non-fast food establishments along the I-75 corridor between my hometown and the Upper Peninsula towns where I spend my summers that have made such a choice. Bars and restaurants are afraid to ban smoking for fear of competition and smoker backlash. This fear, however, is unfounded and has been dispelled in every state and community that has taken the step to ban smoking in public.

Smoking restaurants have lost my business; they potentially alienate the 75% of Michigan’s population that has chosen not to smoke. Anecdotally speaking, most nonsmokers will wait longer for a nonsmoking table rather than sit in a smoking section and they generally tend to avoid smoky restaurants and bars altogether. Statistics bear these observations out when smoking is banned. Statistically speaking, revenues increase and nonsmokers who avoid going out to bars and restaurants return when states ban public smoking.

The free market that we all enjoy as Americans has failed on this point, and that failure gives rise to the government’s duty to act. The free market did not produce automobile seat belts. The free market did produce gun safety or hunting limitations. The government mandated these changes because the free market failed to recognize the public health benefit of making those safety changes on its own. Not even automobile manufactures continue to argue that that they should have the right to produce a vehicle without safety restraints, they now recognize the safety and financial benefits of such regulation. Yes, there can be a financial benefit to regulation.

The restaurants and bars in Massachusetts, California, New York, Dallas TX, El Paso TX, Flagstaff AZ, and the approximately 10 other states and hundreds of other cities and counties that have banned public smoking no longer argue that their businesses will suffer economic hardships as a result of smoking bans. Reputable nonpartisan statistics indicate that in all such locations business has only improved. If there is any economic downside, it occurs only in the first few months, before a significant improvement follows. This legislation will not only clearly benefit every Michigan citizen; it will potentially produce a boon to the food service businesses of this State. The Restaurant Association does not care to investigate these trends; they have simply adopted their fears as truth and boast that they have successfully prevented action on this legislation.

Please do not allow the lobbyists to tell you that this legislation will cost food service jobs. Do your own research. Ask your legislative counterparts across this country whether their states lost food service jobs as a result of this legislation. Ask the restaurant lobbies in those states for their opinions. The evidence suggests that this type of legislation does not hurt businesses.

Let me return to the personal rights issue that this legislation presents. I agree that every citizen aged at least 18 years has the right to utilize tobacco. Where in that right am I allowed to demand that the smoky byproduct of that use not threaten my physical comfort and health, or the health of my children? Where is my right to enjoy smoke free, non-carcinogenic dinning? A restaurant should not be required to prohibit cell phone use in its dining rooms. That should remain a personal choice made by the business owner. But public cell phone use does not negatively affect the physical health of those in close proximity to the cell phone user. The discomfort and ill health affects of second hand smoke, however, puts an additional element into the balance between personal rights and the public health. This element of tobacco use should rightly restrict a smoker’s personal right to smoke around those who have chosen to not accept the risks and discomfort that smoking causes. I ask you to view this legislation from the public health standpoint rather than the personal choice standpoint. A restaurant owner does not have the right to demand that if I want to patronize the establishment that I consume undercooked chicken, or if I go to a buffet that I utilize the same plate when I get a second helping. Why does the same restaurant have the right to demand that if I want to patronize the establishment that I must consume second hand smoke? Please do not refer me to the state mandated establishment of smoking and nonsmoking seating. It is ineffective and antiquated legislation that does not serve the purpose for which it was intended. You, I, and every doctor in this country knows that if smoking is occurring in the restaurant or bar, the byproduct is reaching the lungs everyone present, including the nonsmoking section. Unfortunately, further legislative action is required to protect the citizens of this State. That is not my first choice for a solution, nor, I am sure, is it yours. But, it is the only choice.

Are you prepared to ask those citizens of this State who must work, and can find employment within the food service industry to accept the risks that are unquestionably imposed by second hand smoke? You would not ask a construction worker to work without a hard hat because his boss doesn’t want to accept the financial costs incurred in providing appropriate safety equipment. Why does the Michigan legislature continue to ask restaurant and bar employees to accept the risks of second hand smoke in order to make a living? Michigan jobs are in short supply; you cannot argue that most waitresses are in a position to demand a smoke free working environment or to quit a good job and search out a smoke free restaurant in which to find employment.

Please also consider the tourism industry in your assessment of this legislation. Tourism is a major Michigan industry, restaurants and bars are a major factor in that industry. Michigan tourism competes with Colorado, California, Florida, Vermont, Maine, Massachusetts, and New York. Each of these tourist states has enacted public smoking bans. Do you want the Two Hundred Twenty One Million Americans who do not smoke to make vacation destination decisions in part on whether or not they are guaranteed smoke free dining while on vacation? My own last two out of state vacations have been to smoke free states. It will always be a consideration of mine when traveling. I can assure you that vacationers from non smoking states will not happily patronize those states that have not enacted similar bans. I am reporting to you that once you have enjoyed the benefits of walking into any random restaurant that you happen to pass while on vacation and be guaranteed a smoke free meal, you do not ever want to go back to the endless searching for a smoke free restaurant or an acceptably segregated smoke free section in which to dine.

I urge you to do an independent investigation into the positive benefits that similar legislation has had across this nation and Europe. I don’t want you to take my ramblings or anecdotal arguments at their face value, and I would expect you to similarly question the arguments presented by the Restaurant and Licensed Beverage lobbies. Your duty as a legislator is to make a well informed independent decision despite any leverage or benefit that would induce you to act contrary to your conscious.

I am asking is for you to do some research into the real world benefits this legislation has created both economically and for the public health of the states where it has been enacted, and that you give me an honest written response indicating what position you have taken on this matter. I would like to know what the chances are that the legislature of the state in which I have chosen to live my life is going to act to protect the health of me and my family. I am at least entitled to that courtesy, if not the legislation.

Very Truly Yours,


David M.


Cc: Sen. Jason Allen Sen. Jim Barcia Sen. Raymond Basham
Sen. Patricia Birkholz Sen. Michael Bishop Sen. Liz Brater
Sen. Cameron Brown Sen. Nancy Cassis Sen. Deborah Cherry
Sen. Irma Clark-Coleman Sen. Hansen Clarke Sen. Alan L. Cropsey
Sen. Robert L. Emerson Sen. Valde Garcia Sen. Thomas M. George
Sen. Judson Gilbert II Sen. Mike Goschka Sen. Beverly S. Hammerstrom
Sen. Bill Hardiman Sen. Gilda Z. Jacobs Sen. Ron Jelinek
Sen. Shirley Johnson Sen. Wayne Kuipers Sen. Burton Leland
Sen. Michelle McManus Sen. Dennis Olshove Sen. Bruce Patterson
Sen. Michael Prusi Sen. Alan Sanborn Sen. Mark Schauer
Sen. Martha G. Scott Sen. Tony Stamas Sen. Michael Switalski
Sen. Samuel Buzz Thomas III Sen. Laura Toy Sen. Gerald VanWoerkom
Sen. Gretchen Whitmer

Apparently I Should Give Up Already

Two days of non-stop emailing out resumes I got my first reply today. I find it kind of funny that someone would even respond and take such great length's to be mean. Even when I was responding to Shawn, I was never mean. In theory, I would say that this is an auto-response from Craig's List because that's just it works sometimes. Craig's List is so fucked up and stupid. Things always back fire. Welcome to L.A. mother fuckers.


Hi there,

To be quite frank, your resume is rather pathetic. I'm looking to work with real proffessionals, not amateurs, and someone like you doesn't even warrant any payment on a project as great as this. I suppose I could give you $20 in gas money, but that's being generous.

I mean you should probably just give up on filmmaking altogether, and go back to Kentucky or Alabama, or whatever crappy little state you're from.

Let me know how this weekend looks for you, so you can learn from some real filmmakers.
Jon Kondrath

Summer Camp Syndrome

When I was younger, around the age of 11, I went to Summer Camp. It was one of those experiences that every kid should try because there's something about it that challenges you. It's the first time you are away from your family. It's the first time that you are away from all of your friends. My friend Terry Hardwick was going there with his cousin and at the time I wasn't aware that we weren't going to be in the same cabin. For some strange reason, call it random numerical statistics, call it what you want, Terry and I were not in the same cabin and I did not like the feeling of being alone.

I was stuck in a cabin, bottom bunk, with a bunch of kids who I did not know, who did not know me. We were forced to be roommates, friends for they length of the stay. It was a bond that was forced rather than organically coming together. I did not know these kids, I did not want these kids to know me.

So many factors in this thing were wrong; the food sucked, I was in a cabin, I was at camp...the list goes on. Two days into Summer Camp I broke down. I remember laying in my bed, and tears started pouring down the side of my face. It was something that I was trying to hold in but the emotions were just too strong and I started crying. The kids around me were scared for they did not know why I was crying. The cabin counselor came over to me and took me outside. I remember sitting there crying, wanting to go home because I hated it here. There was nothing here to offer. He told me to stick with it one more day, that if I still felt the same way by the end of the next day, we'd call my parents and I could go home. I thought that was a fair enough deal because I knew for sure I was going home the next day so what was another 24 hours?

The next day, knowing that I could leave, brought something different to the experience. For some reason, after getting it all out, I started enjoying myself. We played capture the flag, we went swimming in the lake. Later on that day, my cabin mates started talking about horror movies, something I had never seen before. They described each movie with great detail, that made me want to see them all and eventually I did. It was wear I found a love for horror movies, from a place that scared me to death.

Eighteen years later I sit in an empty apartment in L.A. My clothes and random belongings piled up in the corner. The time I felt in Summer Camp the first two days are overwhelming my body right now. I want to roll up in a ball in the corner and cry myself to sleep but I've learned from the time I was in camp that sitting around doing nothing will get me no where. I sit with tears in my eyes, struggling, looking for work. Pushing myself because I know that in time this will all pass. Knowing in time that this overwhelming feeling will soon go away. Knowing in time that if I still don't like it I can go home.

I know that millions of people have come to L.A. feeling the exact same way that I have these last two days. All with the same dream of making it in the "biz" or just making enough money to pay the bills and survive. I have struggled a lot these last two days, contemplating questions about myself; Is this the right town for me? If I want to write, can't I do this where ever I want to? I've been going so long chasing this that I think I've missed out on a certain happiness that you can't get from a job, no matter how much you love your job because a job can't love you back. I am going forward because this is what I have to do right now, because I have that option to leave if I want to.

I keep going because I have friends and family supporting me. I have belief from a woman, from the opposite end of this country that is so great and strong that it reaches me here on the other coast. That truly cares and supports my decisions and that is stronger than any thing imaginable. To quote Ben Harper, "Nothing is as beautiful as when she believes in me," which is true. I can't fail in her eyes right now, no matter what kind of work I do and there is nothing I can say or write that really defines what it means to me.

Change is always hard. Life is always going to be hard but this time, not like at Summer Camp, I am not alone. This time I have support bigger than the camp, bigger than this planet and I am ok with that.

In So Many Words Or Less. By The Doc

“Do you think that God will forgive us for the things we’ve done?”

It’s a quote from the movie Man on Fire, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head lately. Not sure why. Or perhaps I know exactly why, and I simply refuse to admit it.

What happens when we take stock of the whole parade that’s been our life?
So here I am: Life starting to fall into the culturally accepted norms. No drugs (aside from booze) for about a year now. Decent job. Recent promotion. A relationship that hasn’t soured me yet. But I find myself conflicted…

Here’s why: I’ve been a complete bastard for a decent piece of my existence. Now, there’s one half of me that regrets it all; wishes that I’d listened to a conscience that often went on hiatus; loves the idea of being able to “take it all back”. But then there’s the other half. The side of me that relished the fun that went along with it. I was an asshole, but damn, I sure laughed a lot harder in those days.

I’ve been a complete idiot: Stone drunk, I drove my truck up a mountain that, from steepness alone, should have tossed me and my vehicle down the side of it. I tore through gallons and gallons of liquor on a night on Torch Lake, and flew down a winding street at 110 miles per hour, suddenly finding myself spinning in circles. By the time the truck came to a halt, I was still on the road, all parts intact. I’ve started bar fights, beat the shit out of a half-witted redneck that happened to be my roommate, put a dozen stitches in my arm when I punched through the window of my own apartment (key wouldn’t work) so I could get in to get more wine. The wine – I might add – was a $400 dollar bottle of Opus One that I stole from the country club that I was managing at the time.

And what have I learned from all of this? Not exactly sure. Or perhaps I am sure and I’m simply afraid to admit it.

Damn. I need a drink…

Kalamazoo?

I'm not sure if it's called Kalamazoo?: The Movie or if it's just called Kalamazoo? Anyway, I said I would post this on here so one or two of the people that do read this will see it. If I tell two friends, then they tell two friends and so on and so on and so on. I am not getting paid for this, though I'm thinking I should considering of how much money I will bring to the theater for posting this and being in it. Oh yes, my film debute as an extra. I am the only one in the shot and I know people knew it was me because when I saw the movie at a fundraiser type even in L.A. people who knew me turned there heads and looked at me. "There you are, we see you." It was an odd moment considering I don't say anything. I just look in a tin and close a van door. Oh shit, I told you the story. Oh well. I guess you could pay for the ticket and go sneak in to something else.

Dear Fellow Movie Lovers,

Our film 'KALAMAZOO?' - shot on location in Kalamazoo, Michigan - is opening in theatres on April 7, 2006 in the following Southwest Michigan cities: Kalamazoo, Battle Creek, Holland, Grand Haven and Lowell at Goodrich Quality Theatres (check www.gqti.com or local listings for showtimes!).

As some of you may already know, the opening weekend for any film in today's oversaturated market is crucial to it's success and longevity in theatres. This is particularly true for independent features. Therefore, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get out to see it April 7, 8, or 9 (or all three!) and/or tell anyone you know in Southwest Michigan to go!

Pass this e-mail on to any friends or casual acquaintances and tell them to pass it on to their friends or casual acquiantances and so on and so forth.

For more information visit the official website: www.kalamazoothemovie.com !!

Thanks!

Dana E. Kowalski
Joanna Clare Scott
Producers

A Brother From Another Mother

My sister recently got married this weekend down in Orlando. This would explain the lack of writing I've done at The Corner Bar. You never realize how much goes into a wedding until you or a member of your family is getting married. I also didn't realize how anxious and nervous you could get for having no real part in it. I barely slept because I would lay there excited, waiting for the next day. There would also be things like the loudest phone in the world sitting right next to your head, Grandparents who wanted to have breakfast at 9:30 a.m. the day after the wedding and that damn Day-Light Savings. In the end, it was all worth it because I have a new brother.

Ted is an only child from a family from Philly. I can't believe the kind of guy he is. I mean, he is genuine. He is a good hearted guy. He is someone that makes you feel special, even if you just met him two seconds ago. He is someone that I'm glad to call brother, but here's the catch...there's always a catch. If he becomes my brother-in-law, I know that my sister and him are now husband and wife, but does that also make them brother and sister?

Yes, I did think about the two having sex. I mean, it wasn't deep visual porn but the thought did pass though my mind for a second because that's what adults do who like each other, they have sex. I just couldn't get past the part of incest. It's really fucking with my mind (No pun intended). Where does it say in the book that it makes us brother's and not those two brother and sister? Can my parents ground him now that they are related? Does this mean that his parents are now my parents-in-law as well or does nothing happen between us?

Marriage isn't an easy thing, let alone trying to figure out all of the sub-plots of who is now related to whom. I do know that these days it seems that marriages last just about as long as I do in bed (Take that how you want to). In this case, the stamina is going full throttle. I want to wish them a long marriage filled with lots of incest sex...Incest is the best.