Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Cheetos Death Ball

I love Cheetos.  I have found myself eating Cheetos everyday for lunch.  But the people at Frito-Lay have somehow turned a simple concept, into something so outrageous, that you have to question who is running the company.

One day at lunch,  I walked down the chip aisle at Ralph's grocery store and I came upon these mother fuckers.  Look at the bag...they are huge!  I bought a bag because I had to see what the hype was all about (plus they were on sale).  And when I opened it, I looked in and I saw this...

They are the size of a golf ball.  I scanned the front and back of the bag but did not see one of those "must be this age to eat," because to me, it seems that these things are a potential threat to little kids.  The bag does state "Dangerously Cheesey Balls," like the kind of danger that you choke to death on.

But if you survive level one, the huge cheese balls tear your mouth apart.  Imagine eating Captain Crunch with shards of glass.  I felt
 like I was a P.O.W. and they were trying to get me to reveal the location of the secret bunker.  

Sorry Cheetos, you dropped the cheese ball on this one.  Keep it simple, keep it real.   And stop trying to murder people.  



Thursday, April 09, 2009

Grass is Always Greener...

I have nothing to say. It seems that most of my stories these days end with, "And then I found a twenty dollar bill." What happened to me? I used to be filled with anger and hate and these days I seem to be a gentle giant. Which is fine, if that's what you are into but it sometimes gets boring. Being happy can be boring because you start questioning your actions. "Can't get too drunk, don't want to get in a fight." "I shouldn't call into work tomorrow." BORING!!! There are always balances and I have yet to find that. Still looking. May never find it. And you may read this and question that I get into trouble. There are a lot of you who think you know me, but in the end, I let you see what I want. Fuck it. Who wants a shot?