Another year.
Hiding out in an abandoned apartment is the only way to spend a birthday these days. With the newly-coined Global Struggle Against Extremism, it’s really the only safe place to celebrate the day you were crowned from mama’s birthing canal. It’s with this in mind – my deep respect for national security – that I hid this year’s annual unruliness from most interested (and some uninterested) parties.
Naturally, spending a birthday alone can be trying, at least for the first few moments. Most of us have grown accustomed to surrounding ourselves with pals, and then beating our livers to death. But there is a point to a celebration in solitude…
Some of us sputter through our years; take the safe bets, cover our bases, dot our i’s, cross our t’s. These folks walk the Right path. They will live long lives. They’ll spawn well-behaved children. They will eventually bask in the glory of a successful 401K. I have the utmost respect for these people.
But I am not one of them.
I’ve spit, shit, sucked, and fucked a good deal of the last decade away and – while it’s been a wild ride – a stiff night of self-contemplation (and strong liquor) was in order. Johnny Walker Blue sells for $212 a fifth, and since it’s my holiday, it was necessary to splurge. I recommend it highly to all of you. So, J.W. Blue in hand, I began to reminisce.
July 28th, 1976. At 3:42 a.m., an earthquake measuring between 7.8 and 8.2 magnitude on the Richter scale flattens Tangshan, a Chinese industrial city with a population of roughly 1 million people. As almost everyone was asleep in their beds, instead of outside in the relative safety of the streets, the quake was especially costly in terms of human life. An estimated 242,000 people in Tangshan and the surrounding areas were killed.
Less than an hour later, I was born. It was imperative that I came in with a bang.
What’s my point? Nothing. This was the kind of swill that I found myself daydreaming about with a head full of Johnny Walker though. Nasty thoughts…
Another one: With respect to its definition, why does the word abbreviation have so many letters?
I’m wandering here. Concentrate, Doc.
A birthday by one’s lonesome is not a necessity for everyone. The 401K posse that I mentioned earlier has no use for the solitude. But those of us with a little dirt behind our ears have to take stock in our years every once in a while. We have to attempt to right many of our previous wrongs, in our own minds if nowhere else.
So for one night, I rambled over all the toes I’ve stepped on, all the hearts I’ve bruised, all the knuckles I’ve broken, all the tears I’ve wept, and all the money I’ve spent. Most importantly, I reflected on all the people I’ve hurt over the years; some on accident, most on purpose… And for one moment, albeit a long one, I was sorry.
Of course, that was just the whiskey talking.
Cheers to my friends, my friends’ friends, and the rest of the drinkers that I respect. Screw the rest of you. Happy birthday to me.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Just a Taste Test.
Ok, so I'll get to writing in a bit. It's just been a crazy two weeks. I never thought one could drink so much but I totally threw that theory out the window. It was a much needed success. I have tons of good stories...TONS...but debating on when and where to tell them. In due time...be patient.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
We Will Sleep When We're Dead!!!
It was a night of darts. It was a night of drinking. It was a night of "All Nickleback, all the time!" A night of friends. A night of enemies. All in all, it was a night of good times and good oldies.
Friday, July 08, 2005
We Could Be Hero's For Just One Day.
So grab my hand and take a walk with me into the past. I was working as a Production Assistant on location in Kalamazoo, Michigan. The hours were long, really long and the pay...well there was no pay but it's the price you “pay” to get into the biz. Got to start somewhere. There were many memorable stories from the shoot, but this one is my favorite.
We're going back one year, to the Summer of 2004. It was a humid, dark day. I know I was really worn out, mentally and physically. It was the same shit, different day, different night.
You see I never really understood the power the actor or actress has on the set until I witnessed it. Josie Davis was one of the stars of the movie. If you don't know who she is, imdb it mother fucker, we are straying from the story. She was going to read for a small role as Hot Nurse for a 20th Century Fox movie. She told me it was for a snowboarding movie. She needed a guy who was somewhat cute so she could get into the role. For some strange reason, she wanted to read with me. I don't know if it was my wit, my charm, my theater minor from college or the fact that she knew my name and when she needed to ask for me, she didn't have to say, "You know, that guy with the beard." All I know is that she was able to get me to not have to do my job, have a lighting guy do up an empty room, all while they were shooting on the floor below us. I know it doesn't sound like much but trust me, it was a big deal.
I found it exciting in a way. That some casting director was going to hear my voice. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to some of you, but it meant the world to me at that time. Plus I didn't have to set up for Lunch and that sucks after awhile when you do it every day for two weeks in a row.
That day had been busy. They had me running around, doing the typical crazy shit you do as a P.A. but all I knew was that I wasn't going to miss out on this. Not this time. In fact, I almost did miss out on it. Josie was walking towards me with another guy from locations. She said, "I was looking for you but couldn't find you so I asked...him to do it instead." Are you kidding me? No way was I gonna be pushed aside. No fucking way. "I am free now. It's all good." Did I just say that? Who am I? But it worked. She went with me. I'm a big star now.
INT. A Small Bedroom. A small bedroom on the second floor of an old, Midwestern house. The floor is covered in plastic and is poorly lit. LOUIE, a smaller fellow, is setting up lights in the corner. MIKE MAHAR, who was shooting a documentary for the film, is setting up his tri-pod in the middle of the room to record the audition. JOSIE is rehearsing her lines, putting on the last stages of her make up. DAN, the handsome stud, is reading over his lines. Nervous and anxious, he pretends that he's done this before. LOUIE finishes up the lights and leaves the room. As he opens the door, three men from Locations have formed a human wall in the doorway.
LOCATIONS GUY 1
Hey Dan, what's going on in there?
DAN
Oh we're just shooting this thing for Josie.
JOSIE
We're shooting a porn.
DAN
No, it's not a porn.
DAN smiles and closes the door in front of him, knowing that they'll never know what went on in that room. The sex, the hardcore sex.
Ok, well there wasn't hardcore sex or even sex but I thought I'd put that last part in to boost the ratings...sex sells...remember?
When I looked over the lines, all I could think was, "This is really bad.” Josie is standing in front of the camera and Mike and myself are standing behind it. I read the lines to her but they come off as being this dirt ass snowboarding dude.
(Paraphrasing of course)
"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."
So that's how I read it the first time. Josie told me to read it serious but the thing is, I was reading it the way it should have been read. Being the professional, I did what she asked me to do. I stood up a little bit straighter, deepened my voice a little bit more and said the lines.
We went on to do this a couple of more times. At least three different angles, each time I'm thinking to myself, "This will make a good story to tell." And to some extent it was a good story to tell...until now. Now, with an ending to the story...this story will be complete.
We jump back to the now. It is July 8th. It's a year after the movie is done shooting. I have forgotten the story I just told you above. I have a forgotten a lot of stories from a year ago. It's a hot summer’s night in Vegas. I'm a tad hung-over and don't feel like doing much. My friend John and I go to the movies. I haven't been to a Friday night movie in years. It's interesting to see how many people go to the movies on Friday. We waited in line and got our tickets. The theater was jam packed. I couldn't believe it. John and I could either sit together in the front row or go loner and sit in better seats. We chose to go loner.
The movie started and it turned out that I was enjoying it. The crowd was being good. The movie was loud and it was entertaining. Then it happened. It was as if someone caught me with a surprise jab. I was stunned to hear...
(Paraphrasing of course)
"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."
Mother fucking Johnny Storm said that. THE HUMAN TORCH!!! Hot Nurse wasn't for some snowboarding movie, it was for the Fantastic Four. I laughed out loud. I mean, if you don't know me, I rarely do that and I was laughing my ass off. The minute I realized that these were the lines I read, it all came back to me. I even remembered the lines and was mouthing along with it.
I may never get my star on Hollywood Boulevard. I may never get to sleep with Jessica Alba. There are a lot of things I may never get to do but the one thing that you can never take away from me is, for one hour of my life, I was a Super Hero and in my opinion...that’s pretty fucking cool.
We're going back one year, to the Summer of 2004. It was a humid, dark day. I know I was really worn out, mentally and physically. It was the same shit, different day, different night.
You see I never really understood the power the actor or actress has on the set until I witnessed it. Josie Davis was one of the stars of the movie. If you don't know who she is, imdb it mother fucker, we are straying from the story. She was going to read for a small role as Hot Nurse for a 20th Century Fox movie. She told me it was for a snowboarding movie. She needed a guy who was somewhat cute so she could get into the role. For some strange reason, she wanted to read with me. I don't know if it was my wit, my charm, my theater minor from college or the fact that she knew my name and when she needed to ask for me, she didn't have to say, "You know, that guy with the beard." All I know is that she was able to get me to not have to do my job, have a lighting guy do up an empty room, all while they were shooting on the floor below us. I know it doesn't sound like much but trust me, it was a big deal.
I found it exciting in a way. That some casting director was going to hear my voice. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to some of you, but it meant the world to me at that time. Plus I didn't have to set up for Lunch and that sucks after awhile when you do it every day for two weeks in a row.
That day had been busy. They had me running around, doing the typical crazy shit you do as a P.A. but all I knew was that I wasn't going to miss out on this. Not this time. In fact, I almost did miss out on it. Josie was walking towards me with another guy from locations. She said, "I was looking for you but couldn't find you so I asked...him to do it instead." Are you kidding me? No way was I gonna be pushed aside. No fucking way. "I am free now. It's all good." Did I just say that? Who am I? But it worked. She went with me. I'm a big star now.
INT. A Small Bedroom. A small bedroom on the second floor of an old, Midwestern house. The floor is covered in plastic and is poorly lit. LOUIE, a smaller fellow, is setting up lights in the corner. MIKE MAHAR, who was shooting a documentary for the film, is setting up his tri-pod in the middle of the room to record the audition. JOSIE is rehearsing her lines, putting on the last stages of her make up. DAN, the handsome stud, is reading over his lines. Nervous and anxious, he pretends that he's done this before. LOUIE finishes up the lights and leaves the room. As he opens the door, three men from Locations have formed a human wall in the doorway.
LOCATIONS GUY 1
Hey Dan, what's going on in there?
DAN
Oh we're just shooting this thing for Josie.
JOSIE
We're shooting a porn.
DAN
No, it's not a porn.
DAN smiles and closes the door in front of him, knowing that they'll never know what went on in that room. The sex, the hardcore sex.
Ok, well there wasn't hardcore sex or even sex but I thought I'd put that last part in to boost the ratings...sex sells...remember?
When I looked over the lines, all I could think was, "This is really bad.” Josie is standing in front of the camera and Mike and myself are standing behind it. I read the lines to her but they come off as being this dirt ass snowboarding dude.
(Paraphrasing of course)
"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."
So that's how I read it the first time. Josie told me to read it serious but the thing is, I was reading it the way it should have been read. Being the professional, I did what she asked me to do. I stood up a little bit straighter, deepened my voice a little bit more and said the lines.
We went on to do this a couple of more times. At least three different angles, each time I'm thinking to myself, "This will make a good story to tell." And to some extent it was a good story to tell...until now. Now, with an ending to the story...this story will be complete.
We jump back to the now. It is July 8th. It's a year after the movie is done shooting. I have forgotten the story I just told you above. I have a forgotten a lot of stories from a year ago. It's a hot summer’s night in Vegas. I'm a tad hung-over and don't feel like doing much. My friend John and I go to the movies. I haven't been to a Friday night movie in years. It's interesting to see how many people go to the movies on Friday. We waited in line and got our tickets. The theater was jam packed. I couldn't believe it. John and I could either sit together in the front row or go loner and sit in better seats. We chose to go loner.
The movie started and it turned out that I was enjoying it. The crowd was being good. The movie was loud and it was entertaining. Then it happened. It was as if someone caught me with a surprise jab. I was stunned to hear...
(Paraphrasing of course)
"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."
Mother fucking Johnny Storm said that. THE HUMAN TORCH!!! Hot Nurse wasn't for some snowboarding movie, it was for the Fantastic Four. I laughed out loud. I mean, if you don't know me, I rarely do that and I was laughing my ass off. The minute I realized that these were the lines I read, it all came back to me. I even remembered the lines and was mouthing along with it.
I may never get my star on Hollywood Boulevard. I may never get to sleep with Jessica Alba. There are a lot of things I may never get to do but the one thing that you can never take away from me is, for one hour of my life, I was a Super Hero and in my opinion...that’s pretty fucking cool.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Over and Out
I really don't have anything to write about. I mean, I do, but it's not just flowing out like it usually does. Surprise, surprise. I don't sit in front of the computer and spend time on my blog all day. I'm sure you could tell that in some of my posts. They were random and made no sense. I try to write when I'm pissed off about something or need questions to answers I have in my mind. In a way, it's sad that this is my post. It's like watching a blind man crossing the street. You really don't want him to get hit by a car but in the back of your mind you kind of wish he would, just to tell the story. When he makes it across safely, you realize that it was a waste of time because you spent five minutes watching a blind man cross the street...with no punch line. I'm sure in your busy day, you come here to break the boredom, or maybe just enjoy what I write but I'm sure you are finding yourself looking at your watch right now wondering when it's time to take a break from this blog. The thing is, I can't stop writing. The thing is, I can't make paragraphs. The thing is I'm not sure if this is something brilliant or a science experiment gone horribly wrong. Though, I might add that's how penicillin was discovered. I'd like to say that's how I happened...a mistake, but my parents let me know that I was the child that they actually planned on having. In a way, it's a planned accident. I'm not sure they thought I'd turn out like the way I did. Some what neurotic, talking to myself, questioning everything and everyone I encounter. Then again, I know a lot of things people want to happen don't turn out the way they expect it to. A surprise planned accident. There is no need for proper punctuation in this post. There is no use for ProPER usage of the Caps Lock button. It's free. After lots of debate of what to write about, I've set it free. Just for the night. To let it roam where ever it wants. It could go as far as it wants or sleep beneath the cold, bright screen. Freedom is about a choice and my choice of freedom is to end.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Happy Fourth
A day of celebration. A day when we appreciate what the people from our past have done to make this country what it is today. The trials and tribulations. The death and struggle. A day of remembrance. Or..a day off when we can drink beer, eat hot dogs and watch magical "snakes" come from the warm concrete.
I've always wondered about holidays like this. How we can forget about the meaning because we are too worried about finding the perfect spot for the fireworks and making sure that we get the special musical tribute on the radio of "God Bless America."
Today's write up will be short but to the point. I don't want to come across as bashing the American way because lord knows that I'm not a perfect one. Maybe it is the true American way. That this is what our fore father's would have wanted us to do to remember them. To get trashed somewhere on a boat, hoping to get a blow job from your friend's cute ass cousin. In fact, I know that's how they would have wanted us to celebrate. The hot dog is a perfect representation of our country. Put in as many different and unique things into one small area to create something wonderful for the masses to enjoy and appreciate. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
I've always wondered about holidays like this. How we can forget about the meaning because we are too worried about finding the perfect spot for the fireworks and making sure that we get the special musical tribute on the radio of "God Bless America."
Today's write up will be short but to the point. I don't want to come across as bashing the American way because lord knows that I'm not a perfect one. Maybe it is the true American way. That this is what our fore father's would have wanted us to do to remember them. To get trashed somewhere on a boat, hoping to get a blow job from your friend's cute ass cousin. In fact, I know that's how they would have wanted us to celebrate. The hot dog is a perfect representation of our country. Put in as many different and unique things into one small area to create something wonderful for the masses to enjoy and appreciate. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
