"He's So Lonely Without Any Decent Friends Here."

You never give it that much thought but the strength of a friendship can be compared to a t-shirt. We've all owned shirts that you've worn once because you accidentally spilled something on it that creates a stain that won't wash out or you get it caught on something, tear it, finalizing it's fate into the rag bin.

You have t-shirts that your girlfriend hates. It was that one shirt you'd wear each weekend for the last seven years but for some reason they don't approve of it. It's that one discussion that you really want to argue about but in the end, you feel that it's not worth it. That you shouldn't stand up and fight for this shirt. There are certain compramises one must make. It's time to let it go and start with something new.

The color of the shirt is gonna fade...

It's gonna fade and get holes in it and it becomes the decision of throwing it away or keeping it. Throw away history to put on that brand new t-shirt. Change is refreshing, but it's not always good.

When you put on that shirt, it fits, it's comfortable, unlike the new shirts you get that shrink after the first wash or were a "bad decision" when you bought them.

It's the shirt that has modeled with your personality.

You have shirts from when you were ten that you still own. It's something that you would greatly miss if it were no longer there but at the same time forget that you ever owned it.

T-shirts describe the kind of guy you are. Is it a plain white one? Does it have a funny saying on it? Is it long-sleeved? Is it short-sleeved?

I have a 100 shirts I know I will never wear again but for some reason I won't throw them away. They are stored in the darkness of my closet. I keep them, in their bruised, torn, stained, deformed state because I never know. One day I may want that back in my life, back in the shirt rotation. One day but in reality I keep them because I know that it's hard for me to let go. It's hard for me to accept the fact that those shirts will never be the same as they once were. No matter how many times I wash them with my hands, no matter how many times I sew them back together, those shirts are no longer a part of my life.

Literally...

And the Child's Daddy Is...

Don't trust the bitch? I sure as shit don't. You asked for it and now you got it. Here's your chance to re-create your favorite moments from the Maury Povich Show. Apparently there's such a high demand for a DNA Paternity Test that you can go to your local drug store and buy one yourself. All you need is a semen sample, whole blood or vaginal smear (There are easier options but I was never going to have a chance to use the word vaginal smear in a sentence and I couldn't pass it up) and send it off to the home office of Identity Genetics, Inc located in beautfiul Brookings, South Dakota. Within 3-5 days, and a small fee of $120,  you'll be able to say, "I knew it, I knew you had been sleeping around on me," start crying and then say, "but I'm still going to raise her as my own."

God bless America!