At The Corner Bar Greatest Bar Picture in the World.

Did someone say contest? Did someone say there's a chance to win an awesome prize? Well no one has really said it yet, but I will right now...Contest. For one week and one week only I ask you the readers to find the best bar related picture...ever. This could be a picture of you, a picture of a friend, picture of a bar or a picture you found on the internet. It really doesn't matter as long as it is bar themed. What am I look for? Something that grabs my eye...grab it I say and yank that son of a bitch out. You must send all or any pictures to...

atthecornerbar@yahoo.com

There is not a limit of how many pictures you can send in so I'm giving some of you bored ass mother fuckers at work something to help waste your time.

What is this prize? Well, I won't say because I want this to be a un-biased competition. Some may like it, some may hate it but I promise you that all will be jealous of the winner. Good luck and God speed.

R.I.F.

I just got done watching Oprah (I've been spending too much time in this damn apartment if I'm watching Oprah now) and it was probably the best hour of comedy for a non-comedy show I had ever seen. If you haven't already read, this author, James Frey, wrote a book called A Million Little Pieces. In this book it talks about his courageous fight from drug and alcohol abuse. It was number one on the New York Best Seller List and it was on Oprah's book club for the longest time. I had people telling me that I had to read it because it changed their lives but I would tell them that I don't have those problems so why should I read it? If it was about a guy who was broke and found the courage to fund a movie...I would read it.

The thing that was so shocking was that this guy apparently had lied about some of it. This website called The Smoking Gun found information on him that he had lied about the time he had spent in jail. They called him out, they called Oprah out James Frey went on Larry King Live to defend himself and who was there in his corner? Oprah. She called in saying that the message behind the book is all that mattered and blah, blah blah.

So now I'm watching this show and Oprah says she is wrong for saying this. She said she was wrong on National TV and all I can think is that who gives a fuck? I really don't care and why am I still watching this but I go on. The author comes out and Oprah asks him what he lied about. The guy tells her that there were times that were changed around. He realizes now that he was wrong.

Ok...so as I'm writing this I'm realizing that I can just sum it up in one paragraph.
This madness, this book. Why God why? How could he do this to us? Will we ever trust anyone again? Oprah you are so courageous to say you were wrong on National TV. Why the fuck is that guy sitting in the audience when everyone else is on stage? I mean, this happens all the time on this show...they have a panel of people talking and out of nowhere they go to the audience and there's that one loner man/woman sitting there. I can't believe I actually sat and watched this whole thing. I really wish Oprah was going to cry, it looked like she was. She said she was so embarrassed. I'd be really embarrassed too if I had a billion dollars and I read a book that wasn't true. Why does it seem like this guy got caught smoking pot at a Church social and now his parents, priest and neighborhood watch are lecturing him why he was wrong? Oprah you are so courageous. Why did I watch this and pass on Cathouse: The Series?

I found this quite amusing because it really didn't mean anything. Will this do anything to Oprah? Fuck no...she's still gonna be rich. Is this going to do anything bad for James Frey? Fuck no...he's still rich and there's that old saying that "Any publicity is good publicity." After watching this show and hearing about the lies, people are going to rush out to read it just to see what he lied about. It's such a strange fucking world we live in.

In a sense, life is the distortion of truth. I may see one thing one way and the guy sitting next to me could see the exact same thing and have a totatlly different memory. Now I'm not defending this guy and I'm not calling him an asshole because as a writer we tend to extend the truth, polish it up to make it seem like the worst/best thing that has ever happened. It's what we do. It's what you, the readers, want us to do. If this was something that was done in the newspapers, ok I would be fucking pissed but in the long run, we read for entertainment. To have something to talk about at the dinner table so you can ask,

"Have you read any good books lately?"
"Yeah, there was this book about this guy who had a drug problem. You should check it out."

We read to escape to a different place. We do read to give us courage and if you find courage in a book that are filled with lies and exaggerated truth(I wasn't referring to The Bible), I don't see any harm in it. If it gets us out of bed, if it keeps us walking towards the silver lining...go to it. Read away.

Oh yeah...I lied about this whole thing. It never really happened.

T.W.I.B. (This Week in Blogging)

I just realized that I haven’t written anything in a week. A whole week. What was I thinking? I guess I wasn’t but I’m back and better, just like Coke 2. Shit, they don’t make that anymore. I know my life may be too exciting for you to handle but if you drink a couple of beers, run a marathon, sit in a hot tub for an hour and drink a couple of more beers, the excitement may have worn off…well maybe 1% of it but that should be just enough to finish this.

• American Idol--I have to admit that I watch this show. Ok, let me make something clear…I watch the auditions of the show. Once they have it down to where you can vote and all that dumb shit, I stop watching. I love watching complete and very delusional people think that they can sing. How do they know they can sing? Either their parents and friends have told them or they can actually tell themselves that they are great singers. It’s quite amusing to see someone with no talent what so ever have whatever little hope they have left in life get destroyed on national TV.

• Treatment--I finished writing a treatment this week for a low-budget movie. What’s a treatment? Well apparently this isn’t a common term because no one really knew what I was talking about. My brother thought it was the name of the movie and was confused to see that it was only four pages long. It’s really just a shortened version of a movie, describing the movie. Some people use this to pitch to big wig Hollywood types or people with lots of money. It’s a way to say, “Hey look, this is the story…give me money.”

• Foo Fighters--I know I always talk about this band but I really have to say that I don’t get sick of this album. At first, it was an ok album. Dave Grohl said in numerous interviews that he wanted this to be an album that people would tell to the younger generation, “You have to own this album.” The more I listened to it, the more it grew on me. I am still not sick of it and I think that’s a wonderful thing.

• Weight Watchers Diet--My brother’s girlfriend has started the Weight Watchers Diet. In all honesty, I hate diets because they want to give you fast results. I actually approve of this diet because it trains you to eat in a way where you aren’t pigging out, teaching you to eat serving sizes. You’d be surprised what your version of a serving size is and a real serving size. It will blow your mind. This system is all based on a point system…you get a certain amount of points a day and a certain amount of “free” points for the week. By doing this, it helps you balance your diet and it doesn’t shock your metabolism when you stop eating. Even though I am not participating in it, all I see are numbers now when I eat something. “This steak is three points. These chips are two. This beer is two points.” I’ve become John Nash (The guy that A Beautiful Mind was based on). Numbers, numbers, numbers! Make the madness stop.

• Boom Boom Mancini--Yes…the mysterious Boom Boom Mancini. Who could he be? Who could she be? There hasn’t been this much of a stir since I posted the pictures of me having sex on here. Ok that didn’t happen but you could imagine the conversation at the water cooler the next day, “Did you see those pictures of Dan having sex?” “Yes.” It would have been amazing. I used to care. It was like I was living out real life version of Clue but now I’ve come to terms that I am not as excited as I once was. It’s either someone we know who won’t reveal themselves or it’s someone we know on here, pretending to be someone else. In the end, it’s another reader and I can’t complain about that.

A whole week of catch up in less than two minutes. I hope your body hasn’t gone through too much shock but don’t worry…I’m back. I hope you enjoyed this little thrill ride. Please step to your right and follow the exit signs.

Thanks for the Ride. By Dave M.

Doc’s a great guy for those of you out there who don’t know, or who may question that fact. He has always been a little off, but in a good way. Doc and I share a common ancestry, which makes him that much more trustworthy in my mind. At least I assume that we share a common ancestry, I’ve never really discussed it with him. We don’t look alike or anything, I just think that when they were passing out surnames our ancestors were European countrymen…Damn, I stray when I’m unfocused. Back to the proof, Doc is a great guy.

Many years ago I sat in my house on a late summer night. Clearly bored, but essentially sober I decided that the best thing I could do was go for a run. This wasn’t a twilight run, or even a midnight run. This was an approximately 2:00 in the morning run. My only explanation for running at such an hour is to request that you realize and accept that sometimes young men will make rash, seemingly nonsensical decisions to prove their own prowess to themselves. I can only assume that going for a several mile run in the middle of the night was probably the result of some such determination on my own part.

As I ran down the essentially deserted street I saw, projected on the street in front of me, the lights of an approaching vehicle coming from behind. I may have hugged the shoulder of the street a little closer to the trees on the side of the road and left the driver the entirety of his lane, but I otherwise made no thought for the pickup truck that quickly passed me by and slipped out of my view into the nighttime road ahead.

I thought more of it a minute or two later when another vehicle appeared down the street traveling towards me. This vehicle was moving much slower than the last, and as it got closer I noticed a familiarity to the truck. I did not recognize the approaching pickup truck, but as it got closer to pass, it slowed to a near crawl as the driver careened his head and watched me pass. It was dark and I could not see well. I was a little spooked at the truck, and my mind tried to process what the driver’s thoughts could be. Obviously the most logical explanation for such an action is that the driver had to slow down to properly contemplate why a jackass was running down the road in the middle of the night. But as the truck passed, I became a little more unnerved realizing or at least believing that it was the very truck that passed me only minutes before going in the other direction. At this point all logic escape my thought processes. This guy passed me going East and turned around to pass me going West as well. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t the same truck that passed me twice, but simply a coincidence that two white pickup trucks of the same make and model just happened to be the first two vehicles to pass me on my now clearly ill-conceived late night run.

This theory was quickly disproved as within another minute I could see and hear another vehicle approaching from behind. I turned around to determine what and who was approaching me, and I soon discovered that it would be same truck passing me for the third time. Now, clearly being stalked, I panicked. I turned and ran directly into the trees along the side of the road. I hide among these trees while the truck pulled up to where I departed the street and came to a stop. Left to my own thoughts for the next few seconds, I was certain I was headed for some trouble, and really only contemplated my best route for escape, and the closest house in which I could find refuge from the madman that at this point surely desired only to beat and murder me.

As I crouched there, looking about for the path that must surely be there, the passenger window of the truck rolled down slightly as the driver leaned across the bench seat and in a confused and yet truly inquisitive voice, questioned to the trees in which I was hiding, “David, is that you?”

To this point I had been utterly unable to recognize the driver of the truck. The darkness prevented me from seeing anything beyond a general shape of a person in the driver’s seat of the vehicle. But the voice, the voice was none other than the good Doctor’s.

As I stumbled out of the brush into the open I replied out, “Yeah Nate, it’s me.”

You should know that the Doctor was quite concerned that I needed some help, and knew that I definitely required a ride. He insisted that I permit him to return me home, or help with some car trouble I must have certainly encountered. I simply explained that I had embarked on a late night run and would return home by foot at its conclusion.

I don’t remember if Nathan convinced me that I was being a dumbass and drove me home, or if he decided to acquiescence to my desire to continue the run, but in any event I appreciated the thought and concern. And for that thought and concern so many years ago, I thank you Doc.

Again. By Dave M.

The song “Again” by Lenny Kravitz reminds me of Cape Cod Massachusetts. The little swath of land jutting into the Atlantic Ocean creates a wonder vacation haven for greater New England, it is the site of one of my best and most memorable summers. Unfortunately there are too many people connected to that cape that I will never see again. There is no need to wonder as Lenny does throughout his song, I just know I will never see most of those people again. I have even called some just to say “hi” but there was never a response to the message I left. Some, I’ve never called, but should. I even promised one friend that I would not return without stopping in to see him. But seven years later I did. I drove by his house and I didn’t stop. I drove by a lot of houses on my return trip, but I didn’t stop at any of them, except for one. Uncle B is getting old, but he is still there. After I explained to him who I was and how I knew him he just blankly stared at me. He lived across the street from me in West Dennis, Mass. He is the great uncle of one of my best friends and we spent some time talking to him. He is probably in his eighties, he is permanently bent at the waist and he limps. It was an amazing occurrence, standing on his front stoop.

“Hey uncle B! How are you doing?”
“Huh, who are you?”
“It’s David, DJ’s friend.”
“DJ? Yeah. But who are you?”
“I’m DJ’s friend, remember we worked here for a summer, I’m from Michigan. I came back for DJ’s wedding.”
“Michigan?...I remember you, you’re a lawyer now aren’t you?”
“Well, yes that’s true.”
“I remember you, how are you doing? What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for DJ’s wedding. Can I come in and introduce you to my wife and daughter?”
“DJ’s wedding is next week in Falmouth.”
“I know that, but I’m here to visit you.”
“Oh. Well, Come in then!”

Sometimes it takes a while for him to comprehend, but if you are persistent you can get to the point with ole’ Uncle B. The fact that he didn’t remember me until I mentioned Michigan flabbergasted my sensibilities. It’s as if I’m the only person he ever met from Michigan likening it to some exotic South American rain forest village, so strange and far off that one would never forget the one inhabitant of the land that he met through some chance encounter years previously. The fact that he knew I had become a lawyer was interesting too. When I knew this man I was a drunk college student with no better sense than to drive a 10 year old Camaro across the country simply for the hope of securing employment only because I had nothing better to do. An accurate prediction of my eventual career path in 1997 would have garnered all the probability of picking the winning Mega Millions lottery numbers. Maybe that’s how he remembered. I can see DJ’s mother mentioning that DJ’s friend who lived across the street for a summer had become a lawyer and Uncle B’s jaw dropping to the ground as he no doubt thought to himself, “That crazy son of a bitch is a lawyer! What the fuck is going to happen next, the Red Sox winning the World Series?” As far as I can tell Uncle B’s life activities consist of talking to his nieces and watching the Red Sox. I wonder what he does in the winter.

But Mr. B is a side note to this story. He is just the one that I made the effort to actually visit. The others, the other drunks and dope heads that were and probably still are my friends, that’s a different story. It’s amazing how four months and constant contact can forged friendships that would last a lifetime if they were not broken by distance and lost phone numbers, by carelessness really. But that’s a lost point. The one I lament the most is my friend Ellie. And I don’t miss her the most simply because we never had sex or even kissed. If anything I helped her pursue her homosexual tendencies into a full fledged lifestyle change. I miss her the most because she was friendly and lovely; she liked to get high, sit around talking and reading poetry. Our connection was obviously facilitated by our mutual recreational drug use, but we carried an understanding of each other that I would pray lasts to this day. I would like to carry on that connection, if only I could ever encounter her again. Unfortunately, she seems to be gone.

I Don't Care. Chewing On a Cookie.

It took me long enough to figure this simple equation out but now I can leave your drunk voice mail messages to me on here. Thank you technology. Also, if you want to hear some samples of the newest sensation across the nation please go to...

The Moice Vail Album

Saving Grace

Three Cheers for Success

What's the best thing to do at a bar? Drink? Check out hot ladies? Did I say drink? Ok...I have to rephrase that question because the first three are all really important when going to the bar. I wanted to say that finding a good bar is hard to do in today's society. So what are the ingredients to finding one of these bars?

1. Jack Daniels. It has to have Jack Daniels in the bottle (If you don't drink, some bars/casinos think it's wise to put the J.D. in a dispenser, like a fountain dispenser and I hate that. It defeats the purpose of tipping the bartender well because there is no exchange for it because they click a button and a certain amount comes out.) To some of you non-drinkers you may think that this isn't a big deal, but it is. It really doesn't taste the same. Some people may like it because I’ve found people to like soda from a fountain over soda from a can. Those people are crazy.
2. Jukebox. It must have a great Jukebox. Most bars play music but it's got to be the right kind. Some have c.d.'s that are c.d's that not even I would own but yet they keep it in there, with the rare chance that a multi-millionaire will come in and want to listen to Aaron Carter's "Oh Aaron." I'm finding out these days that many are switching to the kind where you can download but even these are a bit shady because not all of them will allow you to download certain songs. If a bar has one of these downloadable machines which allows you to download "Trees Lounge," go and never leave. It's a gem and it probably means you will find the man/woman of your dreams.
3. Dart Board. The third and final step in finding a great bar is if it has a dart board. Doc got me into darts a long time ago. I wasn't really a big fan but after playing with him I realized how much fun it can be. You drink more, you get loud and for some reason you feel like you own the place because you are throwing plastic tips (I like the electronic boards because I don't like keeping score) at a board. For all of you non-dart playing mo-fo's...I suggest you start. It's addicting and once you play it, you will not care about pool or Game-A-Tron 2000. It's the bar game of champions.

These are the three things that make up a successful trip to a bar. Three things that will guarantee you a great bonding experience with your friends. I must also add that two of the three are non-drinking related so you can bring your Mormon and Straight Edge friends too…everyone wins. If you think that a bar is great because you get laid all the time...get the fuck out of this Corner Bar. You don't belong here because that's not what it's all about. It's all about the community, the stories, the friendships.

Detox Mansion. By The Doc

I am a man of addictions. I imagine that it started in college. Booze was an early and faithful standby. From there, I began a short love affair with pot, followed by ecstasy, and then ‘shrooms. Cocaine lasted a while, but then I graduated from college and life became less conducive with the habit. So liquor took the reins, peppered with the occasional visit with Vicodin.

But now I find myself relatively clean-cut: a decent-paying job; a respectable apartment; a few employees that slightly depend on me. And in the midst of my (relative) sobriety, I finally realize what it was that I was truly addicted to. My friends’ company.

I played hopscotch across the country over my years. The military afforded this luxury, but it also supported the lie (that I told myself) that I was a loner. When you’re constantly on the move, there’s a lot less time for introspection. Hell, in my early twenties, there wouldn’t have been much depth to a bout of introspection anyway.

But as I slowly set down a few roots in college, Vegas, and finally Kalamazoo, I became spoiled by some truly amazing people. So this little rant is for you guys. (Yes, I’m boozy. And yes, I’m listening to Warren Zevon.) Scott, Dan, Bram, and John: you gentlemen are giants among midgets. I miss the hell out of all of you, and I’m half the man I was when you’re not around to play wingmen. Cheers, fellas.

Operation 66

I was watching Revenge of the Sith tonight with my brother and his girlfriend when I realized how defensive Star Wars fans really are. For some reason she didn't catch on until the end that Chewbacca was in the movie and when she did she commented, "Well he aged good." She was of course referring to the original trilogy and how he hasn't changed much. In my mind I thought that was a dumb question, he's a Wookie for Christ sake. Wookies can live up to 350 years, so what is a 20 year time difference in the movie going to make?

My brother paused the movie to let it sink in. To let he realize that it is a Wookie and not a human but she didn't catch on. That's how I knew she wasn't a true Star Wars fan...when she questioned it, rather than just accepting it. That's when I realized how personal I take Star Wars. It's really odd because I'm not a die hard fan. I do enjoy it, but I can't quote the movies, I can't tell you what planet is which and I am not very good at identifying what race each creature is. I can tell you that if you try to deny that Star Wars isn't a part of our culture or if you refer to it as stupid, I will get defensive as hell.

I know it's just a Sci-Fi movie...I do realize this. I'm not saying that you HAVE to watch it, worship it and spread it's word on to others. I just want you to respect it and what it has done for pop-culture. I want you to stop asking me if I like Star Wars because I have a Storm Trooper on the rear view mirror of my car. I want you to stop thinking that Star Wars fans are complete fucking goons (I will have to say that there are a lot of people out there that keep that statistic high. GOONS!!!).

It is a two way street. Star Wars fans...get over the fact that the new movies didn't live up to your childhood experience. Remember that you are an adult now and that there are a million kids who LOVED them, like you did the original trilogy. Get over the fact that he's not going to release "your version" of the movie EVER on DVD and that it's his movie and there's nothing you can do or say to change that.

We have a long distance to go before both sides of the Star Wars battle field call it a truce. So until that time gets here, let us go about our way today, enjoy the sunshine, our friends, family and neighbors and may the force be with you. Yes, you person who is too fat to dress up like Darth Vader…you are ok too.

Has Anybody Seen My DVD's?

One day before going into work for Kalamazoo? one of the producer's had called me and asked if I could rent this from Video Hits Plus. Apparently the director of the movie hadn't seen this yet and wanted to watch it. I told her that I had owned it and he could borrow it.

The first reason is a two part answer; Why pay to rent this when I own it and why rent this on my account when there is a chance of late fees? The second reason is that I figured it would be a good lead way into getting to know the director on a more personal level. "Oh, hey thanks for letting me borrow those DVD’s, let’s talk about movies." It's been a year and a half since I let him borrow it and it still is not in my possession.

The life lesson I learned is "Don't lend things to people." I should have known better. I've lent out DVD’s to two people in the past and they both got fired from their job. I was to never see them again or my DVD's. I've also let someone borrow the new Weezer c.d. and that same day she was fired for stealing money from the company. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've emailed him, I've had dinner with him and I've even worked with him for two months and still nothing. So I'm writing this...

David O'Malley, I want my DVD's back!

I don't care if you send them on a boat, a goat, on career pigeons or use a catapult. If I don't get them back soon, I fear that the McCauley Curse will be heading your way and you will be fired from all jobs. We can't have that, now can we (Evil laugh)?

I Love L.A.

In all honesty, who really cares about what Julia Roberts did to get where she is now? That's old fucking news. Here At The Corner Bar, we want fresh faces. We want people who we think are gonna make a difference. Who are gonna make something of their lives. We want it before anyone else gets it.

I interviewed an actress who currently lives in L.A. named Shauna (We won't give her last name to protect her from the scum that show up right before last call). I've known her for over a year now and I've always wondered what it was like to try and be an actor. From my theater experience in college, I've found that there were too many cocky people that claim they are the shit and ending up being mangers at Steak N' Shake. With her, she brought a big plate of honesty to the table. It was something that I know will seperate her from all of the stacked actors in L.A.


ME: What brought you to L.A.?
SHAUNA: I've always wanted to be an actress....on film more than anything else and L.A.'s the place to go, but what made me crack and just do it was the fact that if I didn't chase this crazy dream, I knew I'd regret it for the rest of my life…and being incredibly naive and stubborn didn't hurt.
ME: How has that turned out for you so far?
SHAUNA: A LOT harder than I first anticipated, more because of what I've kept myself from doing as opposed to L.A., yet I blamed my problems on LA
ME: You were blaming L.A. for not finding work?
SHAUNA: No, just for my misery. It was my fault I didn’t find work, I've always known that.
ME: Was there a time when you realized that it was you and not the town that was holding you back?
SHAUNA: When I went home for a month in the summer.
ME: Was it because you separated yourself from the town and realized that you were still upset?
SHAUNA: Yes.
ME: Would you say that the market out there is really competitive?
SHAUNA: Yes, but I've always known that....I just never thought I would be such a pussy about it.
ME: Are you still a pussy?
SHAUNA: Yup.
ME: Is it still holding you back from pursuing your dream?
SHAUNA: Yup.
ME: Well if it's holding you back...why even try?
SHAUNA: Because I have to get over it. I'm confident that I can get over my fears
and I'm trying to better myself.
ME: Have you fallen into the pressure's of the biz; How you look, act, etc?
SHAUNA: No, unfortunately the opposite.
ME: Why would you see that as a bad thing?
SHAUNA: It's not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just that....the harder I try to maybe go towards it, I'm going the opposite.
ME: Do you feel that there is a certain way that you have to look or act to get into the industry?
SHAUNA: Yes.
ME: Would you rather make it in the biz by changing who you are or would you be yourself and not succeed?
SHAUNA: Be myself but sometimes I don’t know who that is anymore.
ME: But what better place to find it in a city where half of the population is looking for the same thing.
SHAUNA: I guess, but if most of the population has no self identity then isn’t that a bad influence for someone with the same problem?
ME: Hey now...I'm the one asking the questions here.
SHAUNA: (laughs)
ME: If you knew what you know now...would you do it all over again?
SHAUNA: I'm afraid that question is not very useful considering the whole point of life is not knowing.
ME: Well if that is your view on it, I'd have to say that you are living your life to the fullest, considering you don't know.
SHAUNA: Yeah, I guess but there’s so much I want and sometimes I don’t feel as though I’m smart enough to get it.
ME: Do you think being smart has some advantages at making it into show business?
SHAUNA: Being smart is everything in show business, contrary to popular belief.
ME: I'd have to say I've worked with some real dumb asses that are in the biz.. I wish someone would tell them that.
SHAUNA: (laughs)
ME: Would you consider what they do in porno's, not the sex part, acting?
SHAUNA: Noooooo!
ME: What do you consider acting?
SHAUNA: The suspension of disbelief.
ME: So when I think that I can have any woman I want...I'm acting?
SHAUNA: (laughs) No it’s not yourself suspending the disbelief, it’s making others suspend it, but porn isn’t acting. You can’t define acting.
ME: So I tricked you?
SHAUNA: (laughs) No.
ME: I think I know what you are saying...it's hard to define acting because there are so many different levels to it that it's hard to pinpoint one thing.
SHAUNA: Right, Joaquin Phoenix is an actor.
ME: Would consider someone like Bob Saget, who can only play one kind of character an actor?
SHAUNA: (laughs) Well he's a comedian. He is talented and he's probably had a moment of acting in his time, but he's not a chameleon which actors, respectable ones at least, need to be.
ME: So no one respects bob Saget?
SHAUNA: No, I respect him but I don’t think many respect him as an ACTOR…comedian, sure.
ME: Ok...I see where you are getting at. Do you think you need an Oscar to be considered a great actor?
SHAUNA: Nooo! Does Johnny Depp have an Oscar? Or Joaquin? Even though he’s getting one.
ME: Would you consider an animal to be a great actor, if they have many layers...like let’s say Lassie?
SHAUNA: (laughs)
ME: Would you say that you are capable of being a chameleon?
SHAUNA: Yes.
ME: So wouldn't you say that since you consider yourself an actor, isn't that something that defines who you are?
SHAUNA: Yes, well being hyper sensitive with my emotions is something that defines who I am. Being an actor is what I do.
ME: Would you say that your emotions are what makes you a good actor?
SHAUNA: Being able to channel them makes you a good actor, well it helps. I can’t tell you what makes someone a good actor.
ME: I know…too hard to define
SHAUNA: Yes, like with writing.
ME: Well good thing we can't define what makes someone a good writer or I'd be in trouble.
SHAUNA: (laughs) But can I tell you one of the things I love about acting growing up? Being an actor was always my dream, how ever, I would think about other jobs that I found interesting; Paleontology, Doctor, Lawyer...but when I really thought about it....all of those other professions are things that I just really wanted to try out, not be committed to day to day...so with acting I can do all of those things. I can still study and learn about the profession and understand it well enough to look like i know what I’m doing, but when the part is over, I can go on to the next one. That’s what I love about acting.



I always find it interesting that people who say they don't know who they are, that say that they aren't that smart, always turn out to be the ones who really know what the fuck is going on. They are the ones who can hold a good conversation, that are the ones that makes the most sense, even when they deny it. I'd like to say that Shauna, and all of you that read, At The Corner Bar (ok, most of you) fit into this category. Each day I want to write because you all inspire me and I thank you for that. It's never easy finding something that makes you happy but when you find it, no matter how much pain it will bring you, no matter how much you doubt it at first, I suggest that you hold on to that and don't let go, no matter how much of a fight it gives you.

A Late X-Mas Follow Up

Did you ever wonder who won the Christmas Card competition? No? Crap. Well I better tell you anyway...it was your's truly. Thank you guys so much for the victory. I was worried there for a second but on Christmas Eve I got two more cards to put me over the top and this year's VICTOR!!! Someone sent me a mother's card and I was worried that he had sent me the wrong one and his mom got a card saying, "Merry Christmas Mother Fucker." After a frantic call to him, I found out that it was all a trick. I never forget so watch your back.

Lorraine created a new category this year which was "Best Card." Jeff won that by sending a Yoda x-mas card. There's a high chance that you would win that every year if you sent a Star Wars related card.





I got a lot of fantastic gifts this year, including the War of the Worlds TV show from the late 80's (It's very badass and I used to watch it on Saturday's on channel 50). If I had to pick a favorite gift I'd have to say that it was the One-zie that a friend sent to me.

Back in October I was talking with her about how I was upset that they didn't make these for adults and that kids had all the fun. Of course she proved me wrong and sent me a link to a site that had them. Two months later, what did Santa bring to me? My very own adult one-zie.

Let me tell you that this isn't a novelty present that I would only once so I wouldn't feel guilty. This motha fucka is awesome. It's like wearing a very warm, comfortable blanket around your body the whole time. I suggest that not only should you keep growing your beards, but get one of these as fast as possible. You wouldn't regret it.







To top it all off, I had a friend send me a Thank You card for the gifts I had sent. It wasn't enough to call and say, "Thank you," but she had to write it out and spend the postage. Some guys may find this pointless, but I'm all about the little things. I wonder if her husband signed the card himself or if she did a bit of the magical wife signing?


All in all I had a great Holiday. It was the first time in many years where I had the X-Mas cheer. I look forward to next year and the good things it will bring me. I also look forward to defending my title and with a little help from my friends, everything will be just fine.

No Porn Stars For Me

Today I was watching TV when my brother's girlfriend told me that my phone was talking. This meant that someone was calling me with an unknown i.d. (I put the sample ringer which includes various people talking and random bits of music, for unknown calls). They left a message and a half hour later I checked to see that it was a producer for the AVN Awards. If you don't know what that is,

Don't read at work

Not only would I have gotten paid money to work as a Production Assistant, I would have been hanging out with porn stars...pun included. This story has a sad ending to it for I could not take the job. I played every angle possible but I could not do it. Moral reasons? NO. Wasn't paying enough? NO. Well what the hell was it? No car.

You see being a P.A. means having to be able to drive around whenever someone needs something. You are the one who provides for people who can't leave the area; directors, producers, etc.

"Hey you, I need you to get me lunch."
"Ok, what do you want?"

"Hey you, I need you to buy me some more anal lube."
"I know right where I can get some."

In the end, it would have just been another job, which is something I would have loved and I'll always wonder what kind of conversation starter it would have been for future employer’s who have looked over my resume. In the grand things of life, I feel that everything happens for a reason and this one just wasn't for me.

Viva Las Vegas

If you ever wondered if I hold back when I write on this. If you thought I would write differently in my journal because I would be the only person that would read it, you would be wrong. When I write, I bare my soul and I don't hold back. Here's the last thing I wrote in my journal. I was talking to someone very dear to me last night and I said I would email it for shits n' giggles but I read it and I figured I'd share it for everyone. I sure do talk a lot of shit...even back then.


4-16-04
Out of work and gone from Michigan for six months. One would figure that my friends lives would have crumbled because I was not there to set things straight. This was not the case. Their lives move on, like mine. The familiarity is gone but not forgotten. Tenacious D was right, "The road is fucking hard, it's also really fucking tough," but they also said, "Quit your day job. Focus on your craft one time." So I've tried doing such things. Writing doesn't come to me as easily as it once did. Writing used to be quick, fly by the balls, let it flow but in my age it's become more of a thinking process. I know what I'm capable of and yet I still hold back. Like when I play a pick up game of basketball with my friends. I know I'm good but I don't play as hard because I've already proven myself to them. It's an ever going battle with myself and though i don't show it, I know I have four aces in my hand and maybe I'm waiting patiently until I get them to bet it all and then I've got them right where I want them and that's all right with me.