I Do Things That I Fear

Very few have seen this movie, even less have heard the song by Hayden with the same name. I saw it once many, many years ago but it was way before my time of truly understanding this movie or even appreciating it. It wasn't until two years ago when I was out here in Las Vegas that I saw this movie, that I was ready to see this movie. I won't get into the explanation of this movie because you are either going to see it, seen it or have no plans to ever watch it.

We (John, Bram and myself) had all just gotten back from watching The Blue Man Group down at the Luxor for free. I had to mention that free part because everything in Vegas is either too fucking expensive or free, there is no middle mark.. We walked into their rented home to see The Doc watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in High Defintion. He had earlier broken up with his girlfriend, in fact, he was supposed to see the show with us but decided that he should do his own thing. We all respected his decision but it was obvious that it had taken it's toll on him. I wasn't quite sure how bad it had hit him until I saw John's gallon of Vodka on top of the refrigerator, half gone. John had just bought that earlier in the week at Lee's Discount Liquor (That's another story my friend) and it wasn't open until that night when The Doc thought it was his time to drown himself in it with no Life Preserver. Now you must remember that it wasn't a pint, a fifth but a fucking gallon. Milk comes in a gallon. That is a lot. It was an amazing sight to have seen because he continued drinking and I did the only thing I could think of...I joined him. How could I not? He was in pain and the only way to show him that I supported his actions was to dive in head first.

He put in Trees Lounge and told me that I had to see it. Drinking glass after glass. Staring at the screen, watching the story unfold in front of me. An hour and a half of drinking Vodka. I became drunk, seeing the world in a new persepctive. One that usually occurs after a night of drinking. Things become clearer, things you hold in come out with a vengence. Watching a movie about a man who loves drinking, the story focusing on a hole in the wall bar called Trees Lounge, reminding me of home. Reminding me of The Corner Bar. This was a place that I needed to be.

The movie had finished but we weren't done. They had the video for the song on the DVD and he played it. I swear we had watched the video at least ten times in a row, standing up and drinking along with the music. It was one of those bonding experiences you share with someone. One of those moments that Bram and John will never understand because they went to bed. I can't say they went to bed because they were afraid to have experiences like that or the fact that they had to get up in the morning to work. That doesn't matter. Anyway you look at it, it doesn't matter.

It was one of those moments that no matter how hard I try to explain it to you, in as much detail and description, you will never truly understand it. This is why you will never understand that when I hear this song play, I feel that I have to have a beer. I don't know if it's in honor of that moment but it seems that the puzzle isn't complete. I feel that I'll always be looking for my own Trees Lounge and it's not that I'm looking to get drunk. It's that I'm looking for that peace, that happiness I had for those two hours of my life. It's that ever going quest of something that you may or may not ever find again, but the search. The search is what keeps you going.

You have a pretty name,
Pretty like your name,
Let's play a drinking game.

And if I win I get to
Take you home
And if you
Win you go home with me.

Cause I need something to forget,
Got me in this mess,
Feeling less and less.

My judgement is not clear,
I do things that I fear,
I would never do.