addicted society

you don't realize you have an addiction until you stop cold turkey. it's the worst feeling one can imagine and then some. all you do is think about it; day, night, dreams, writing. it's all that's on your mind. one would think that it's worse to have in your life...thinking that it slows you down. that the addiction doesn't motivate you to keep going, to give it your all. addiction should be something that causes a problem in your life. it shouldn't be something positive. it should be a dark little secret that you go to at 3 a.m. when everyone's sleeping. it's something you buy in an alley way, looking behind your shoulders because you may get jumped. it's something you shouldn't be able to admit to so easily but i don't think it's the case here. for some reason, it's worse for me and i wonder that after the cold sweats, the restless sleep, the lack of appetite, that it will get better. that's all one has going for them...the hope. the hope that someday that after all is said and done there is that light. that warm sunshine on your face. that something wonderful. it's all i have going for me right now and if that's all i have, i'll take what i can get. i've already fired the jury in my head who've told me to stay stong and move along. what the fuck do they know? my gut tells me when it's right and wrong and it's telling me that i should not stop. so i won't. i won't stop until it fades away into nothing. i will continue with the addiction until it sweats itself out of my body. my body rejecting it's ever sweet goodness. acceptence is the first step to recovery...my name is dan and i have an addiction.