Thursday, January 26, 2006

T.W.I.B. (This Week in Blogging)

I just realized that I haven’t written anything in a week. A whole week. What was I thinking? I guess I wasn’t but I’m back and better, just like Coke 2. Shit, they don’t make that anymore. I know my life may be too exciting for you to handle but if you drink a couple of beers, run a marathon, sit in a hot tub for an hour and drink a couple of more beers, the excitement may have worn off…well maybe 1% of it but that should be just enough to finish this.

  • American Idol--I have to admit that I watch this show. Ok, let me make something clear…I watch the auditions of the show. Once they have it down to where you can vote and all that dumb shit, I stop watching. I love watching complete and very delusional people think that they can sing. How do they know they can sing? Either their parents and friends have told them or they can actually tell themselves that they are great singers. It’s quite amusing to see someone with no talent what so ever have whatever little hope they have left in life get destroyed on national TV.

  • Treatment--I finished writing a treatment this week for a low-budget movie. What’s a treatment? Well apparently this isn’t a common term because no one really knew what I was talking about. My brother thought it was the name of the movie and was confused to see that it was only four pages long. It’s really just a shortened version of a movie, describing the movie. Some people use this to pitch to big wig Hollywood types or people with lots of money. It’s a way to say, “Hey look, this is the story…give me money.”

  • Foo Fighters--I know I always talk about this band but I really have to say that I don’t get sick of this album. At first, it was an ok album. Dave Grohl said in numerous interviews that he wanted this to be an album that people would tell to the younger generation, “You have to own this album.” The more I listened to it, the more it grew on me. I am still not sick of it and I think that’s a wonderful thing.

  • Weight Watchers Diet--My brother’s girlfriend has started the Weight Watchers Diet. In all honesty, I hate diets because they want to give you fast results. I actually approve of this diet because it trains you to eat in a way where you aren’t pigging out, teaching you to eat serving sizes. You’d be surprised what your version of a serving size is and a real serving size. It will blow your mind. This system is all based on a point system…you get a certain amount of points a day and a certain amount of “free” points for the week. By doing this, it helps you balance your diet and it doesn’t shock your metabolism when you stop eating. Even though I am not participating in it, all I see are numbers now when I eat something. “This steak is three points. These chips are two. This beer is two points.” I’ve become John Nash (The guy that A Beautiful Mind was based on). Numbers, numbers, numbers! Make the madness stop.
  • Boom Boom Mancini--Yes…the mysterious Boom Boom Mancini. Who could he be? Who could she be? There hasn’t been this much of a stir since I posted the pictures of me having sex on here. Ok that didn’t happen but you could imagine the conversation at the water cooler the next day, “Did you see those pictures of Dan having sex?” “Yes.” It would have been amazing. I used to care. It was like I was living out real life version of Clue but now I’ve come to terms that I am not as excited as I once was. It’s either someone we know who won’t reveal themselves or it’s someone we know on here, pretending to be someone else. In the end, it’s another reader and I can’t complain about that.

A whole week of catch up in less than two minutes. I hope your body hasn’t gone through too much shock but don’t worry…I’m back. I hope you enjoyed this little thrill ride. Please step to your right and follow the exit signs.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I blame you Dan, I blame you. You might ask what I blame you for, and I would answer, "For distracting me from work." I had successfully stopped looking at your site during the day. Then you wrote me and told me that I had to start looking at your site during the day again. Now I just pop on and before I know it 10 and 15 minutes have gone by, and well I just haven't served my employer the way that I should. Now here I am again, posting a comment.

You Dan...it's your fault.

Thanks for coming back.

P.S. I also blame the Doc because at work I invariably click on an audio post and it turns out to be the Doc half in the bag screaming at the top of his lungs.

Anonymous said...

I've seen those photos Dan. You're so kinky. Tee hee! In national news, the past week has been pretty spectacular! Israel and the U.S. are currently building their forces in the Persian Gulf so we can go to glorious war with Iran.

The "conspiracy theorists" are getting nervous about some nuclear terror drills to be held in Texas toward the end of the month. They claim that the drills will be used as the cover for a real nuclear attack that will be used as justification for countrywide martial law and the coming war in Iran. Also, Samuel Alito's nomination is key to Bush as he'll approve even more expansive powers for GW. The theory of the unitary executive is fantastic!

In Osama news, Osama's latest speech gave props to a book that actually spoke out against Al Quaida. Mysteriously, Osama's speech didn't include any of the usual Koran verses or other jihad propaganda he used to spout off. Pretty good for a man who is said to have died in the mountains of Tora Bora in December of 2001. CIA analysts said it's real so it is.

Welcome to the shit.

Anonymous said...

I here you, NSA John. The over zealous born again christian see's it as his duty to the illuminati to begin the one world government (which, by the way, was an idea put forth in the bible, and not in an ice-hole shanty surrounded by empty cans of Schlitz on a lake in northern Minnesota).

But I'm not worried. As long as Chuck Norris is an American.

Over on MSN homepage, right now, there is a picture of George W. saying “Hamas must renounce stand on Israel”. We can all be happy in the fact that he has only delusions of being God. Just think of the shit we would be in if he thought he was Chuck Norris.

Anonymous said...

There are two things that should never be baked into bread. Those two things are Ham and Olives. Unfortunately I just consumed bread that included both of those ingredients.

Anonymous said...

Quaig, you have peeled back the bullshit and seen the true nature of politics in the US revealed. The Illuminati/Bilderberger conspiracy threatens us all. We've gotta infiltrate Bohemian Grove and get to the bottom of this NWO bullshit!

Check out the following speech for some great GW wisdom. http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushvideos/v/bushismtribal.htm

Texas should be well protected if Chuck Norris is still with the Texas Rangers. Steven Seagal used to provide karate kick protection to the entire country of Laos, but gained too much weight. Now he's working security for Vivid Video.

kagroo said...

Alright...stop tainting the bar with politics. It's ok to do it once and awhile but I hate talking about politics at the bar. That means you NSA John. Take it somewhere else.

kagroo said...

What the fuck do I care? Say what you want. I'll just ignore you like I ignore my friend Judd's bowling stories.

christine said...

second disc of the new foo is fantastic. more crying. MORE CRYING!

kagroo said...

Your tears taste so good.

m said...

Thanks, Dan, for putting your foot down on the BS those two were spewing.

It sounds like they were about to recreate a scene from 'Brokeback Mountain' in the Corner Bar bathroom.

Anonymous said...

I resent that J, for a few reasons:

1. NSA John and myself were blessed/cursed with vision; we walk around this country like Roddy Piper and Keith David wearing glasses that allow us to see the things you cannot, ala John Carpenters 'They Live'. You concentrate on how high Jaimee Foxx's and Lindsey Lohan's album climbs the charts, and we'll look after the rest, son.

2. Brokeback Mt.? NSA John and myself would never be trapped in that trifecta of rotten genre, namely: cowboy/romance/gay. Besides, BBMt. is a delicate story of unrequited love that cannot be expressed due to social customs based on religious dogma, which slowly destroys the lives of four people as they age over two decades...and it's totally gay.

No, NSA John and I represent hetero delusional paranoids. Think Hackman and Smith in 'Enemy of the State'.

3. We had ALL the ideas for 'Star Wars'.

William Cooper had all the ideas for 'independence Day'.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Discuss some things others don't like to hear and it's then suggested that me and Quaig *wink wink nudge nudge* are getting along a little too well and might have some "homersexual" sex. That's the kind of shit I'd expect to hear from a diehard Republican.

Anonymous said...

Neo-con:"Everything's going great in this country, faggot."

Anonymous said...

"You liberal pinko commie diaper doper babies!" I think the con should be stressed in Neo-con. Leo Strauss will end up having a statue made of himself before the end of the decade, I'm sure.

Anonymous said...

Quaig, beware of the agents provacateur. To access the protocols of Zion contact via IM at ICQ #269-216-189 or Jin_Jotsi@aol.com.

kagroo said...

You know if I would have told you stop talking about bowling...you still would talk about it. I like calling this "Judd's disease." The explanation of information that people don't want to hear but continue's on like everyone cares. That's all I'm saying. It would have been one thing if something was written that triggered the topic but that wasn't the case. Just random political ramblings. Ramblings I doubt you talk to anyone at your job or with girlfriend so this information gets trapped in your head and it needs to escape.

Do I think you are Homo's? No, that's J's way of saying he is. I was told that Brokeback Mountain was his favorite movie of the year, by his boyfriend.

m said...

Lame. Lame. This blog used to be entertaining. You've ruined it.

RUINED!