Tiss the Season

It is here. The time has now come where we look and search for the best Christmas or Hanukah presents in the world. We search every store, every internet site, every dark alley to find the gift that best represents our feelings towards the person we are buying the gift for. In a couple of weeks I know some of you will be handing out gifts to friends and family, eagerly waiting to see their faces after they open their gifts. In a couple of weeks some of you will be getting an envelope from these same people who you got the wonderful gifts for, open them up and see...a gift certificate.

Now I don't know where this idea came around where people thought that this is a good idea but it is not. Gift Certificates should only be handed out during Church raffles and Senior Prom, not during the holiday season. I have to say that it may be one of the biggest cop-outs in the history of the world.

"Well I didn't know what to get you so I got you a twenty dollar gift card to Target. I hope you can find something you like there,"

And this would be the part of the story where I stare back at you, just staring getting angry because I had to wait in line for twenty minutes while a mother of three in front of me thought the best way to shut her bastard kids up was by saying, "Shut up you kids!"

"But it's the thought that counts. The thought."

Fuck the thought because if it was the thought you wouldn't be handing me this gift card, you would be handing me over a gift that you spent some time thinking about, showing that you actually pay attention. Here's an idea, and I’ll save you some time in the future, and just hand me over the twenty in cash. I'll go to the titty club, buy one over-priced Jack and Sprite, stare at some coke whore's tits and go home. Merry Holidays.