I'm 5'10'', Blue Eyes and I'm Fucking Crazy.

These are the kind of people I tend to run into. I'm not saying sometimes, I'm saying the odds of this happening are high, it's a very common thing. This was on the last night in Kalamazoo. By then, I was on my third bar hanging out with some friends. The buzz was a success. I was taking some sweet ass pics of friends but mainly of myself (egotistical here) when someone tapped me on my shoulder. In my drunken brain I was hoping it was some hot ass girl, cute even, who had heard about me from someone in some time and had to meet me. Instead I got this guy.

Now I don't remember his name but we'll call him Gary. He looks like a Gary doesn't he? Gary asked if I could take a picture of him to put on the net. He didn't ask where, he just wanted it on the net. He gave me his street address and said that he didn't care what kind of girl it was. Fat, skinny, ugly...as long as she came over. I took the picture without even looking at him. You can see to the left my hair. I didn't even see the final picture until later on that night when I was drinking on some railroad tracks (that's a whole different story)and realized that I'm a natural at taking pictures...of evil. He was happy and left me alone...or so I thought.

Gary tapped me on my shoulder again and asked if I was going to do it. I said yes. He then told me that if anyone showed up, he would give me fifty bucks. Now remember, he doesn't know my name, he doesn't know who I am but that's the face I have. I have the face of a trust worthy man, in fact I should run for President someday. Hmmm...I have suddenly become a pimp. I don't feel like a pimp on those rap videos. I don't feel pimp juice running through my veins.

I later found out that this guy is crazy. "No shit Dan, I mean look at him." No, I mean he really is crazy. After days of contemplating, I figured I better put this on my blog so he doesn't track me down and ask me why I didn't put it on the net. So if any of you ladies out there want to have a good time...go to the gutter slums of Kalamazoo and call out Gary. I'm sure he will come out from behind a dumpster, after finishing up on a freshly killed rat and show you a fantastic time. Take you dancing, to a Satan worshipping benefit, you get the drift. Oh yeah, when you do eventually do this, I mean you kind of have to cause he's so damn charming, tell him Dan sent ya...he'll know exactly who that is.