We Could Be Hero's For Just One Day.

So grab my hand and take a walk with me into the past. I was working as a Production Assistant on location in Kalamazoo, Michigan. The hours were long, really long and the pay...well there was no pay but it's the price you “pay” to get into the biz. Got to start somewhere. There were many memorable stories from the shoot, but this one is my favorite.

We're going back one year, to the Summer of 2004. It was a humid, dark day. I know I was really worn out, mentally and physically. It was the same shit, different day, different night.

You see I never really understood the power the actor or actress has on the set until I witnessed it. Josie Davis was one of the stars of the movie. If you don't know who she is, imdb it mother fucker, we are straying from the story. She was going to read for a small role as Hot Nurse for a 20th Century Fox movie. She told me it was for a snowboarding movie. She needed a guy who was somewhat cute so she could get into the role. For some strange reason, she wanted to read with me. I don't know if it was my wit, my charm, my theater minor from college or the fact that she knew my name and when she needed to ask for me, she didn't have to say, "You know, that guy with the beard." All I know is that she was able to get me to not have to do my job, have a lighting guy do up an empty room, all while they were shooting on the floor below us. I know it doesn't sound like much but trust me, it was a big deal.

I found it exciting in a way. That some casting director was going to hear my voice. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to some of you, but it meant the world to me at that time. Plus I didn't have to set up for Lunch and that sucks after awhile when you do it every day for two weeks in a row.

That day had been busy. They had me running around, doing the typical crazy shit you do as a P.A. but all I knew was that I wasn't going to miss out on this. Not this time. In fact, I almost did miss out on it. Josie was walking towards me with another guy from locations. She said, "I was looking for you but couldn't find you so I asked...him to do it instead." Are you kidding me? No way was I gonna be pushed aside. No fucking way. "I am free now. It's all good." Did I just say that? Who am I? But it worked. She went with me. I'm a big star now.

INT. A Small Bedroom. A small bedroom on the second floor of an old, Midwestern house. The floor is covered in plastic and is poorly lit. LOUIE, a smaller fellow, is setting up lights in the corner. MIKE MAHAR, who was shooting a documentary for the film, is setting up his tri-pod in the middle of the room to record the audition. JOSIE is rehearsing her lines, putting on the last stages of her make up. DAN, the handsome stud, is reading over his lines. Nervous and anxious, he pretends that he's done this before. LOUIE finishes up the lights and leaves the room. As he opens the door, three men from Locations have formed a human wall in the doorway.

LOCATIONS GUY 1
Hey Dan, what's going on in there?

DAN
Oh we're just shooting this thing for Josie.

JOSIE
We're shooting a porn.

DAN
No, it's not a porn.

DAN smiles and closes the door in front of him, knowing that they'll never know what went on in that room. The sex, the hardcore sex.

Ok, well there wasn't hardcore sex or even sex but I thought I'd put that last part in to boost the ratings...sex sells...remember?

When I looked over the lines, all I could think was, "This is really bad.” Josie is standing in front of the camera and Mike and myself are standing behind it. I read the lines to her but they come off as being this dirt ass snowboarding dude.

(Paraphrasing of course)

"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."

So that's how I read it the first time. Josie told me to read it serious but the thing is, I was reading it the way it should have been read. Being the professional, I did what she asked me to do. I stood up a little bit straighter, deepened my voice a little bit more and said the lines.

We went on to do this a couple of more times. At least three different angles, each time I'm thinking to myself, "This will make a good story to tell." And to some extent it was a good story to tell...until now. Now, with an ending to the story...this story will be complete.

We jump back to the now. It is July 8th. It's a year after the movie is done shooting. I have forgotten the story I just told you above. I have a forgotten a lot of stories from a year ago. It's a hot summer’s night in Vegas. I'm a tad hung-over and don't feel like doing much. My friend John and I go to the movies. I haven't been to a Friday night movie in years. It's interesting to see how many people go to the movies on Friday. We waited in line and got our tickets. The theater was jam packed. I couldn't believe it. John and I could either sit together in the front row or go loner and sit in better seats. We chose to go loner.

The movie started and it turned out that I was enjoying it. The crowd was being good. The movie was loud and it was entertaining. Then it happened. It was as if someone caught me with a surprise jab. I was stunned to hear...

(Paraphrasing of course)

"Have you looked outside? Those are some of the sickest alps this side of the world."

Mother fucking Johnny Storm said that. THE HUMAN TORCH!!! Hot Nurse wasn't for some snowboarding movie, it was for the Fantastic Four. I laughed out loud. I mean, if you don't know me, I rarely do that and I was laughing my ass off. The minute I realized that these were the lines I read, it all came back to me. I even remembered the lines and was mouthing along with it.

I may never get my star on Hollywood Boulevard. I may never get to sleep with Jessica Alba. There are a lot of things I may never get to do but the one thing that you can never take away from me is, for one hour of my life, I was a Super Hero and in my opinion...that’s pretty fucking cool.