I've always found it funny how you build friendships with people. Some friends were always meant to be and others were always ones that constantly needed work. I guess it's true in any relationship one has with another human being.
It's true, even if you don't want to admit it, that you make sacrifices for friends. These are never verbally talked about, because it's just something that happens. For example, there have been times when I didn't want to go out to the bar but my friends really wanted to. Looking for a lady to dance with, or a chance to just go out, let loose. I know I didn't want to go out, but I did because that's what friends do.
Of course there are much larger events in one lives that test you. That go further then the "wingman" and go beyond anyone's expectations. It's a court date. It's a wedding. It's a birth. Things that you don't agree with, but have to show support, because it's what you do.
Friends also don't ask questions. Though it kills to want to know that answer to what's troubling the other, you know you shouldn't ask. That they'll come to you when the time is right. To me...that's fucking cool. There have been many times when I don't want to talk. Even when I'm in a good mood, I don't want to talk.
But how much should one sacrifice to make sure that their friendship stays strong? How much does one give up of themselves to assure that things stay "cool"? Is it the right thing to do? Is it the wrong thing to do?
When you make a compromise for one friend, then you feel that you should do it for another. "I'll just let it slide this one time." The one time becomes two, and three, and four until you forgot what you were doing. You've gone off the path and in your friends eyes, you see that twinkle in their eye, but they miss it in yours. Assuming, not knowing what you have given up to make sure that there is peace in the world. It's a tough gig..being friends with me. It takes a lot out of me sometimes cause I tend to worry. I tend to make sure that everyone's happy and even though people tell me that I should focus on me first, I never listen. I guess I'm stubborn but it's what keeps me going...being a friend of a friend.
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13 comments:
How true. You are a great friend Dan, and I appreciate all of the times that you've gone out of your way to be there for me. I am very lucky to have you:)
Ok...for the record...I didn't write this to get compliments from friends...but thanks Kim...in fact...I'd much rather hear how bad of a person I am. Cause then I could say, "F that."
Boone, you just laid it down like it is. It definitely made me think about how much of a friend i was to you. I think it all started back when i did that time in the summer of '92'. Then you we can all just forget my senior year. Then that 2 year stunt i pulled seperated us again. You have always been there whether you think so or not. Thanks Boone
Ok, i just read your latest comment so here you go!! I can't believe you aren't coming to my wedding!! you already missed bram's!!!! we all know who you like the most, Dave and Q!!!
I've been thinking about a comment to this post for a while. There are so many things to say, there are so many books written on the very subject. I would say a good percentage of stories revolve around what you are willing to risk for a friend. "On the Road", "Huckleberry Finn", "The Sun Also Rises", "Oliver Twist", "Star Wars" (any episode), "Top Gun", "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" are just a few. They are more than just Buddy stories, they are about how much someone is willing to put on the line for the benefit of a friend.
Different friends require different things, and if your relationship is not reciprocated then it probably is not a true friendship. If there is a lack of trust, then the friendship weakens.
When I think about it there are four categories of friends that I have made in life. Each category required something different, and the reason for each friendship is different because the motivation for the friendships change over time, which alters the trust given over to any one friend. Only the ones that you truly trust last. Most of my true friendships are with friends I made in high school and college because there was a trust and mutual benefit to the friendship that superseded and overshadowed any alterior motives. Law school and my career are completely different, because the people are completely different. There is normally an alterior motive in contact between law students. That motive breeds mistrust, and for me it was harder to form lasting friendships.
Trust is what allows you to suffer through a friend's transgressions against you. Is the suffering worth it? Is your friend willing to suffer for you? What if you tell your friend, will he stop the transgression? Is the transgression truly a transgression, or are you bothered by something that should not concern you? Who is hurting who?
"Here's to the few who forgive what you do, and the fewer who don't even care."
Friendships, or any relationship, for that matter, will always require a certain amount of "sacrifices". If you encounter a ...ship where no one steps out of their comfort zone, then really, what is the point? If you wanted that, then why extend yourself to another person at all? We all force our friends to do something they were not planning on doing. Just think of how many boring nights you'd have had if you had just stayed home to watch "Entourage" (which, by the way, is killing me!); how many times would you have had missed the funniest shit you have ever seen? Sometimes, it feels as though we are the only ones getting the short end of the stick, but that's because we only focus on, for the most part, what is directly happening to ourselves. It's not selfish; it is human nature.
In the end, that's why we always open our hearts, letting others in, knowing the fact that there is a great chance that we'll end up in jail for the night, on any given occation. That fact is what makes us alive.
na na na na na na, dan likes me more!!!
hey man, i am going to miss you at the wedding too man!!
I know but I will be there like Obi Wan at the end of Star Wars...my spriti will be there and when things get knocked over...you know I did it.
There's a lot of truth in there, Dan. You've got a sharp eye and an even sharper pen. Great blog. I'll be a regular reader.
If you get time, check out my blog.
Keep blogging!
I just stumbled across your blog. I like it. I think I'm the same kind of friend you are.
Nothing like new readers. I'll check out anything and read, read, read till my daddy takes my t-bird away.
For the record everyone...I'm going to be starting a web site of my own. I love blogging and all but it limits me to a certain extent. I promise you it will be ten times better then this. I'll keep you posted.
Well stated, Dan. And that's how it is down at the Corner Bar.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
You wanna go where people know, people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
Great reference J. Spectacular really.
Only have a minute, but another good post, Dan. Dave's response was, as always, well-stated and eloquent.
The topic of friendship is a tough one to touch on, mostly because of the fact that the concept s so ambiguous. Especially now that we're getting a bit older. The nature of friendship seems to change almost completely after we've gone our own ways. If you think about it, how many of the people that you were close to in high school and college do consider a close friend now? How many of people did you consider a close friend one year ago, that are not in the same category now? It's a strange (perhaps scary) realization to come to terms with. But as the great Rich Bailey told me once: "We're all alone, but at least we're all alone together." I'm not gonna waste this space with a load of swill about you being a decent friend and shit, because that's the antithesis of what's needed to be stated in a real friendship. See your mick ass soon enough...
OK,
Nate
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