A New Recipe For Preparing Eggs. by Dave

Alright gang, I'm back from L.A. I have some good stuff for you but we'll have to wait until I catch up on some beauty sleep. Lord knows I need it, a lot of it. So until then, enjoy this delicious recipe by a good friend of ours here At The Corner Bar.


Everyone has eaten eggs before, everyone knows how to prepare eggs for a tasty “anytime” treat. Simply crack an egg into a hot pan and let it cook until the “white” becomes solid, and depending on your personal preference, it can be flipped or simply removed from the pan without any need to turn it over and cook its top side. These egg preparation techniques are called “over easy” and “sunnyside” up respectively. Or, depending upon how long left to cook after flipped, “over medium” and “over hard.”

Well, I must report that I’ve discovered a new way to prepare these tasty little menstrual cycle byproducts. I don’t simply throw the little lost hopes of life into a hot frying pan. First I pull out a bowl and crack the egg and put it, yoke and all, into the bowl. The great thing about this recipe is that you can use as many eggs as you desire. Simply include in the bowl a tablespoon of milk per aborted chicken fetus. I really don’t know how much milk to include, I just poor from the gallon until it feels right. But I’m guessing that equals about a tablespoon, or quarter cup per egg.

Then take out a fork and vigorously stir the eggs and milk together. Don’t go to long or it will turn to butter. You didn’t know that every time you enjoy a slice of butter you are contributing to the deaths of untold numbers of unborn baby chickens? Did you, you heartless bastard.

Now for the first time you heat up your frying pan and poor the concoction of death inside. Grab a spatula, and as the flesh begins to cook scrap it off the pan’s bottom. Don’t worry about damaging the eggs, they are dead anyway. Just mix those little snuffed out beating hearts up while they cook in the pan. They will slowly begin to turn from the yellow blood like liquid into a light chunky mass. When done they look like fluffy yellow clouds on a clear summer day.

Your eggs are ready to enjoy. Remove them from the pan, placing them on a small dinner plate. They are best served with a slice of toast. You may want to add some salt and pepper.

I call them, “mixed up eggs,” you heartless, baby killing, fuck.

Enjoy!