Nirvana and Me....

After recieving the Nirvana box set for X-Mas I sit here at almost five in the morning drinking and listening to these tracks. It brings me back to the days of when I was confused. When my head was bigger then my body (Yes, I was a living bobble head) and when I wasn't invited to parties, when my friends had to ask the "host" if could go or not.

Ok, well Nirvana wasn't around back then but it's what I think of most. My insecurities. It reminds me of a day when I dedicated "Heart Shape Box" to Kelly Meninga because I didn't know what else to give her. I figured I gave her everything else, including the Kitchen sink, but it just didn't seem like it was gonna work. So who was there to guide me through this? A man who was more miserable then me and in some sick, fucked up way, I really admired him for that. I wish he hadn't killed himself but such is life. I got over it. The beauty to music is that no matter what the artist has done in the past, present or sometimes even the future, they can connect to you in a way that is really hard to explain. Their songs trigger something in our brain, that is a constant reminder of a certain place or time. It's not always a good place, sometimes it's a shitty place that we wish we'd never have to go, but either way, it's a place that's real. That keeps us alive. That keeps us wanting to breathe. To take in the life surrounding us. And even though some of these artists didn't want that same thing, they are giving it to us each and everytime we hit play on the c.d. player. To sit back and relax, and relate.

There have been times I wish I never met Kelly. There have been times when I wish I took back all of those hours we spent together. The times we talked till the wee hours of the night, but there has never been a time when I wanted to take back her "Heart Shaped Box."